Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Nose Be 12 Inches

    Nose Be 12 Inches

    WHY CAN’T A NOSE BE 12 INCHES?

    BECAUSE THEN IT WOULD BE A FOOT.

  • Helen Keller Cat Mittens

    Helen Keller Cat Mittens

    Helen Keller and her beloved cat, ‘Mittens’

  • Ms Jackson Four Eels

    Ms Jackson Four Eels

    I’m sorry Ms. Jackson (ooo)

    I am four eels

    Never meant to make your daughter cry

    BABY WAIT

    I am several fish and not a guy

  • Coronavirus Squirrel Ass

    Coronavirus Squirrel Ass

    Coronavirus panic day 3: I was forced to catch a squirrel today, not for food, I just used it to wipe my ass… It was not happy

  • Spirit Animal Pig

    Spirit Animal Pig

    The search is over… I found my spirit animal

    Pig in Australia steals 18 beers from campers, gets drunk, fights cow.

  • All I Smell Is Molasses

    A mole family was living in their mole hole: a daddy mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole.

    They were just about to eat dinner when an overpowering smell wafted down the hole.

    The daddy mole rushes to the entrance and says, “Mmmm, I smell strawberries!”

    Momma mole runs beside him and says, “Ohhh, I smell blueberries!”

    Baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but is stuck behind them, and says, “All I smell is molasses!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Our Prayers Have Been Answered

    A lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, l have a problem.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.”

    “What do they say?” the priest inquired.

    “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?”

    “That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but l have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and l will put them in with my two male parrots who l taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to worship.”

    “Thank you!” the woman responded. So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest’s house. The priest’s two parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

    The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put the bibles away. Our prayers have been answered!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Havent Seen You for Weeks

    A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Because he used to live in a brothel” says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

    When she gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me, a new brothel!” The woman laughs.

    When her daughters get home the parrot says: “Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!” The girls laughs too.

    When the dad gets home the parrot says: “Fuck me Pete, haven’t seen you for weeks!”

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail

  • Head in the Fence

    This guy is driving through California and picks up a hitchhiker. They continue down the road until they come upon a sheep with its head caught in the fence. The driver, overcome with emotion, pulls off the road and says, “Oh, I can’t just drive past without doing something about this… I’ll be right back.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    He gets out of the car, goes up to the sheep, and starts fucking it from behind. When done, he walks back to the car and gets in.

    The California guy goes, “Damn! I’ve never seen anything like that.”

    The driver says, “You ought to try it, it’s fantastic.”

    The California guy goes, “…Yea, it did look like a lot of fun, what the hell, I’ll do it!”

    He gets out of the car, walks over to the fence, and sticks his head through it.

    Share:TwitterFacebookLinkedinRedditWhatsappEmail
  • Pure Bread Horse

    Pure Bread Horse

    I have always wanted to own a pure bread horse