Topic: animals

Animal jokes, pet memes, wildlife weirdness, and creature-based chaos for anyone who suspects nature has been trolling us this whole time.

  • Three Tough Rats

    Three rats were sitting around talking. The subject turned to how tough they were.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The first rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the traps they set out for us? I undo the latch and work out with them.”

    The second rat said, “Want to know how tough I am? You know the poison pellets they set out for us? I chop ’em up with a razor blade and snort it.”

    The third rat starts to leave, and the other two ask him where he’s going.

    The third rat replied, “I’m going upstairs to fuck the cat.”

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  • I Just Got That Puppy

    I Just Got That Puppy

    When your dad shows you how to properly kill and skin an animal.

    I just got that puppy…

  • Honkey Kong

    Honkey Kong

    WE SHALL CALL HIM HONKEY KONG

  • Moo-spaper

    How do cows stay up to date?

    They read the moo-spaper.

  • Leopard vs. Cougar

    What’s the difference between a leopard and a cougar?

    A leopard can drag something twice its weight up a tree.

    A cougar can drag someone half her age into bed.

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  • The Centipede’s Errand

    An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.

    The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you — I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.

    Ten minutes pass… then twenty minutes, then thirty, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.

    The ant asks, “Hey man, what’s taking you so long?”

    The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes.”

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  • Cockatoo

    Do you happen to own a parrot?

    ‘Cause you look like you could handle a cockatoo.

  • Elephant Wisdom

    Why are elephants so wise?

    It comes with getting long in the tooth.

  • Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    Gordon Ramsay Dwarf Lookalike Eaten by Badger

    rachel @raalaa_

    Roses are red, Sugar is used to sweeten

    Gordon Ramsay’s dwarf porn star look alike found dead in badger den half eaten

  • My frog impression

    I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me before he croaked.
    He said, “Hey kid, wanna hear my frog impression?”