Topic: medical

Medical jokes, doctor-office awkwardness, hospital humor, and body-related disasters from Chaotic Meh — sharp, strange, and probably not safe to explain at brunch.

  • Fox News No News About Foxes

    Fox News No News About Foxes

  • Is It the Light Thats Attractin Them

    In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”

    Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world. “Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down…I think there’s yet another wee one to come.”

    Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby. “No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man…It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.

    The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

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  • Taking Them Regularly

    A Bama Graduate was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the grad complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.

    “Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.

    “What do you think I’ve been doing,” the grad said, “shoving them up my ass?”

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  • Arkansas Vasectomy

    After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.

    The Arky said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest man, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me.”

    So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.

    Figuring that both doctors couldn’t be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count, “1, 2, 3, 4, 5…” at which point he paused, placed the can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

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  • Selling Me a Bridge

    My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.

  • This Little Piggy

    You’d think that at some point the little piggy that went to market might swing by the pharmacy and pick up something for the one with the uncontrollable bladder.

  • Drive-Thru Speaker

    I told one of my HMO patients to go get a tonsillectomy, and now he’s mad because he thought I said “appendectomy” and got his appendix removed instead. I guess I should really look into getting my drive-thru speaker fixed.

  • Taking It Harder

    My family recently discovered our granddad has a Viagra addiction.

    No one is taking it harder than grandma.

  • Open Mike Night

    I’m hosting an autopsy club meeting tonight!

    It’s “Open Mike Night”!