French Fries
Greek Salad
Request: Can you guys peel the cucumbers, please? If not, no big deal, but my girlfriend acts like a fucking bitch about unpeeled cucumbers like it’s my fault.
XL 18″ Cheese Pizza
Topic: relationships
Relationship jokes, dating disasters, marriage chaos, red flags, and emotionally questionable laughs for people who have loved, lost, and texted anyway.
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Can You Guys Peel the Cucumbers, Please?
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Only If WW3 Would Start
March 2018
Wanna be my gf? 15:21
Only if WW3 would start. 15:22Today
Yo 11:49
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The Three Stages of Marital Sex
A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.
While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re okay on the sex thing, right, son?”
“Yeah, sure, Dad. It’s all cool.”
The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”
“The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”
“No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”
“Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”
The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex.
Honeymoon sex is what you would expect – you and your wife can’t get enough of each other. You’re constantly going at it.
But as life gets busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions.
Then, finally, you reach the stage of hallway sex.”
“What’s that?” the son asks.
“Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘Fuck you.’”
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Tell That to Mrs. Coolidge
It’s said that President and Mrs. Coolidge were invited to visit a Department of Agriculture station that was working on ways to improve farming. Two agents guided them separately.
When Mrs. Coolidge was brought to the chicken yard, she noticed a rooster doing his duty. She asked how many times the rooster could provide service per day and was told dozens of times.
She replied, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.”
Later, when the President was informed of that fact, he asked, “Same hen every time?”
He was told, “No, a different hen every time.”
He responded, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
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And then I saw her face
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face… -
At least she’ll never be hungry
I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”
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Help me out here
It’s really cool when you and your girlfriend finish each other’s sentences. It sucks, though, when you break up and discover you’re no longer capable of speaking in complete… uh… help me out here…
