Topic: sex

Dark sex jokes, adult memes, awkward hookups, bedroom disasters, and the kind of punchlines that should probably clear their browser history afterward.

  • Waiting at the Bottom of the Bridge

    A beautiful woman was upset with her life, and about to throw herself off a bridge.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Before she worked up the courage to make that final leap, an obscenely hideous, creepy, stinky homeless chud of a man approached. He got quite near to her and shouted, “WHAT’N THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” She replied, “Get away from me, I’ve had it with this life and I’m going to die while I still have my dignity.” He says, “YOU AUGHTA LET ME BE THE LAST GUY TO FUCK YOU BEFORE YOU DIE.” She recoiled in horror and responded, “There is absolutely no way that will be my last act on this earth, now leave me in peace!” He says, “OKAY LADY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY. I’LL JUST GO WAIT FOR YOU AT THE BOTTOM DOWN THERE.”

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  • Exchanging Blows

    How do two gay guys settle an argument?

    They step outside and exchange blows.

  • Nipple Piercing at the Bar

    Some lady got her nipple pierced right in front of me at the bar last night, and on a semi-related note, I suck at darts.

  • I Didn’t

    I Didn’t

    WHAT A BIG VAGINA! WHAT A BIG VAGINA!

    HOW RUDE! YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO SAY IT TWICE!

    I DIDN’T

  • Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You

    Wouldnt Watch That If I Were You

    look what I found in my mother’s room

    Aye man, I wouldn’t watch that if I were you

  • Suffering From Complete Sexual Exhaustion

    A smart-assed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

    The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”

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  • Thatll Put an End to That Nonsense

    Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer.

    One of the guys remarks to the other, “Boy, you look really tired!” His friend replies, “Dude, I’m exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time – three, four, sometimes even six times a night! She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do!”

    A fellow in his seventies is sitting a few bar stools down from them and overhears their conversation. He looks over at the two men and, showing the wisdom of his age, says, “Marry her. That’ll put an end to that nonsense!”

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  • Oral Sex Aint Much Fun

    A hillbilly couple is lying in bed.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Otis turns to his wife and says, “Fuck you.”

    A minute goes by and then Rita Mae turns to Otis and says, “Fuck you.”

    Another couple of minutes pass and Otis says, “Fuck you” again to his wife.

    This back and forth goes on for a bit longer when Otis finally turns to his wife and says, “You know, oral sex ain’t much fun.”

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  • Two No Shows But I Had Fun

    I had my first threesome tonight.

    There were two no shows but I had fun.

  • The Siskel and Ebert

    A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    Following his directions, she got on all fours and was surprised to find herself being entered by both holes at once.

    “Oh, that’s actually very nice, but how are you doing it?”

    “It’s all in the name my darling. It’s called the Siskel and Ebert.”

    “The Siskel and Ebert? What on earth does that mean?”

    “Two thumbs up!”

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