Delivery Style: bait and switch

Bait and switch joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Young Mike Tyson’s Early Development Question

    Mike Tyson came home from 2nd grade and said “Mom, I’ve got the biggest dick in my class – is that cuz I’m black?”

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    “No son, that’s cuz your 18”

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  • Marine’s Unexpected Request Leaves Sex Workers Surprised

    The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

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    She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”

    “Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked. She said “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”

    “So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”

    “Finally I said, well, how much do you have”? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”

    He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”

    “Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge…. then what did you do?”

    “I loaned him $75!” she said.

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  • Woman Waits for Extra Large Condom Buyer

    A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.

    He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”

    She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

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  • John’s Compliment Comes Back to Haunt Him

    John receives a phone call.

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    “Hello,” he answers.

    The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”

    John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”

    Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”

    John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”

    Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”

    John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”

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  • Bounce a Quarter Off My Ass

    I’ve worked hard to get to the point where you can now bounce a quarter off my ass. Well, to clarify, I meant a Quarter Pounder with cheese, and I’ll probably snatch it from you on the return trajectory.

  • Delicate Hand-Eye Skills

    I often wonder if I would be in my current profession if I hadn’t developed my delicate hand-eye skills as a child playing “Operation.” Probably not, since the boss would have fired me long ago for ruining all those keyboards because of stray peanut bits falling off of my Salted Nut Roll.

  • Hypnotize a Cat

    Cats aren’t so damn superior. Heck, you can easily hypnotize one by dangling a shiny object in front of its eyes and giving it tuna… giving it tuna… must give the cat some tuna….

  • Deluxe Magic Hat

    My wife thinks that TV is a big waste of time, but I just learned something that’s sure to change her mind: When buying a magic hat for the kid’s snowman, spring for the deluxe version that keeps the snowman from melting when the temperature goes above freezing.

  • Misunderstanding at the Beach

    Goldie was sitting on a beach, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.

    “Hello, sir,” she said, “Do you like movies?”

    “Yes, I do,” he responded, then returned to his book.

    Goldie persisted. “Do you like gardening?”

    The man again looked up from his book. “Yes, I do,” he said politely before returning to his reading.

    Undaunted, Goldie asked, “Do you like pussycats?”

    With that the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she’d never been ravaged before.

    As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”

    The man thought for a moment and replied, “How did you know that my name was Katz?”

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  • Number One

    Last night, my girlfriend told me that I’m her “number one.” That’s just great: Not only does she see another man, but I’m more numb than he is.