See you later, love you xxx
Love you too
Babe it would mean a lot to me if you’d put some X’s at the end of your replies xxx
Ok, love you too Donna, Jackie, Karen and Becky
Fuckin prick!!!
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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High Salary No Experience
Her: You’re asking for a pretty high salary for someone who has no experience in this field.
Him: Well, this job is gonna be super hard since I have no idea wtf I’m doing.
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Whoever Smelt It Dealt It
Cop: ur car smells like marijuana
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest
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It’s Not a Problem, It’s a Solution
A scientist and his apprentice are mixing fluids in a beaker.
The scientist adds a final drop to the mixture. The fluid violently shakes, turns a nasty green, and releases a puff of smoke.
The apprentice sees this reaction and asks the scientist if there’s a problem.
The scientist calmly explains that this isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.
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Three Stops Ago
A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to eat…
So she says to her baby, “Eat up now or I’m going to give it to that nice man over there,” and points at the man sitting across from her.
Ten minutes later: “You have to eat, or I will give it to that man!”
Five minutes later: “Come on now, I can’t waste this milk so you have to eat or I’m giving it to that man.”
At this point the gentleman sitting across from her finally says, “Come on lady, make up your mind, I was supposed to get off three stops ago!”
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It’s a Date!
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He’s reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says, “Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward, but I would love to grab coffee with you some time.”
Flattered, the man responds, “Sure… but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?”
“Well…” the woman says. “A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing a Metallica t-shirt. They’re my favorite band of all time. When they went on their …And Justice for All tour, my parents took me to see them in Chicago. I was twelve years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Metallica.”
The man can’t believe it.
“I saw them play in Chicago too! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Mike and I told our parents we were sleeping at each other’s houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city, and saw them play at the World Music Theater!”
Naturally, they’re both shocked.
“If that isn’t weird enough…” says the woman. “I noticed you’re reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He’s my favorite author.”
Now the man is really taken aback. “Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in nineteenth-century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer. I absolutely love Mark Twain.”
They both can’t believe it… this has got to be a match made in heaven.
“Ok…” the woman says. “Well, buckle up because here’s the icing on the cake. I noticed you’re eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we’d go up and harvest the plums with him. He’d dry them and by the time we’d go back to his place for Thanksgiving he’d always have those prunes saved just for us. They’re my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you’re eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?”
The man puts down his fruit and responds, “It’s a date!”
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Moo Goo Gai Pan
While lying in bed, the chef of the Chinese restaurant nudged his wife, saying, “I wouldn’t mind a little 69 right now.”
His wife, who works as a server, turned her back, saying, “If you think I’m gonna get out of bed at this time of night to make you moo goo gai pan, you’re crazy.”
