Mike Tyson came home from 2nd grade and said “Mom, I’ve got the biggest dick in my class – is that cuz I’m black?”
“No son, that’s cuz your 18”
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Marine’s Unexpected Request Leaves Sex Workers Surprised
The new hooker just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.
She said “well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine”
“Well, what did he want to do?” they all asked. She said “I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn’t have that much”
“So I told him a blow job would be $75, but he didn’t have that much either”
“Finally I said, well, how much do you have”? The marine said that he only had $25. The new hooker said “well, for $25 all I can give you is a hand job”
He agreed and after getting the finances straight, she said “he pulled it out and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first and then the first hand above the second hand…..”
“Oh my god” they all exclaimed, “it must have been huge…. then what did you do?”
“I loaned him $75!” she said.
-
Horseshoe Versus Whore’s Shoe: Times Have Changed
A grandfather went to visit his college-age grandson at the dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his son was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe nailed over the doorway.
In my day, grumbled Gramps, we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study late into the night hoping to pass our classes.
But grandpa, replied the grandson, that is a whore’s shoe.
-
Doorknob Trouble: Passionate Bathroom Encounter Goes Wrong
This husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!”
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and nailed her. When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked, “What’s wrong honey? Didn’t you come? Do you want more?”
His wife said, “No, no, it’s not that. I’m just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass!”
-
Grandpa’s Sexual Decline Through the Years
A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex. He asked how often you should have it. His grandfather told him, “When you first get married, you want it all the time…and maybe do it several times a day. Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year…maybe on your anniversary.”
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, “Well, how about you and Grandma now?”
His grandfather replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex.”
“What’s oral sex?” the young fellow asked.
“Well,” Grandpa said, “she goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. She yells, ‘Screw You,’ and I holler back, ‘Screw You too!’”
-
John’s Compliment Comes Back to Haunt Him
John receives a phone call.
“Hello,” he answers.
The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.”
John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?”
Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.”
John: “Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?”
Susan: “I’m pregnant and I’m going to kill myself.”
John: “Say, you ARE a good sport.”
-
Walmart Twins
A homely woman walks into Walmart with two children — a five-year-old boy and a ten-year-old boy.
The greeter says, “Welcome to Walmart. Your boys must be twins.”
The woman says, “What the hell makes you think they’re twins? One’s five and the other’s ten.”
The greeter replies, “I just can’t imagine anyone fucking you twice.”
-
When Women Make Gay Men Question Everything
Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful woman passes them. She’s 5’10”, 38-24-36, with a string bikini on and no tan lines!
The first gay man turns to his friend, sighs audibly, and in a breathless whisper says, “It’s women like her that sometimes make me wish I was a Lesbian!”
