March 2018
Wanna be my gf? 15:21
Only if WW3 would start. 15:22
Today
Yo 11:49
Delivery Style: dialogue
Dialogue joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Those are just contractions
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said the doctor. “Those are just contractions.” -
How do you know it was on its way to work?
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me, “How do you know it was on its way to work?”
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Who Ate the Cleaner?
Four cannibals apply for a job in a big corporation.
“Well,” says the boss, “if I hire you guys, you have to promise not to eat any of our staff.”
The cannibals promise they won’t eat anyone, and they get hired.
Everything goes well for a while, until one day the boss calls them into his office.
“You’re working well and all, but we’re missing an office cleaner. Do you have something to do with that?”
The cannibals swear they’re innocent.
The boss believes them and leaves the office.
Their leader turns to the others and screams, “You idiots! Who ate the cleaner?”
One of the cannibals sheepishly raises his hand.
“You fool!” shouts the leader.
“For weeks we’ve been feasting on directors, team leaders, project managers, and human resources staff — and then you go and eat someone they’ll actually miss!”
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Little Johnny Explains What a Gnome Is
A teacher asks her class, “Who can tell me a word that starts with the letter ‘A’?”
Little Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say something like ‘asshole.’
So she calls on Suzy, who says, “Apple.”
“Very good!” says the teacher. “Now… who can tell me a word that begins with the letter ‘B’?”
Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher thinks, I’m not calling on Johnny. He’ll say ‘bastard’ or ‘bitch.’
So she calls on Stephen instead, and Stephen says, “Balloon.”
This continues until they get to the letter G.
Again, Johnny raises his hand, and the teacher says to herself, I can’t think of a swear word that starts with G.
So she calls on Johnny.
“Gnome,” says Johnny.
Very surprised, the teacher says, “That’s excellent, Johnny! It does start with G, which is silent. Johnny, do you know what a gnome is?”
“Yeah,” says Johnny. “It’s the little shit who lives in my garden and fucks fairies.”
