Misdirection Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

People are perfectly fine taking food in with friends & family,

People are perfectly fine taking food in with friends & family, but they get all uppity if I suggest we all have a shit together. Hypocrites.

Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole

Note to self: Don’t make a move unless you’ve heard the whole sentence. Imagine my embarrassment when everyone started shouting at me that she wasn’t inviting me to kiss her under the camel toe.

In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never

In heaven, the guys’ dicks never pop out and the pussies never fart. It’s awesome.

Yoga mats aren’t designed to accommodate a guy’s balls. Remove

Yoga mats aren’t designed to accommodate a guy’s balls. Remove them and give them to the woman who brought you there for safe keeping.

My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected.

My application to join the Astronaut Wives Club was rejected. It’s all fucking politics.

During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming,

During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming, shitting and masturbating. Last time I preach to monkeys at the zoo.

“GIVE ME MORE BALLS!” -me, playing this Arkanoid game

Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but

Aluminum foil is a poor stand-in for wiping your ass, but sometimes a change is nice.

I can’t believe how spicy this peppered Italian salami is! I

I can’t believe how spicy this peppered Italian salami is! I could only get it halfway up my ass before I gave up.

Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and

Is “gangbang” one word or two? I’m writing a letter to try and get out of jury duty and I don’t wanna sound stupid.

Delivery Style: misdirection