Delivery Style: misdirection

  • “Gary? Why are you installing side-by-side claw-foot bathtubs in

    “Gary? Why are you installing side-by-side claw-foot bathtubs in the yard?” “Read the fine print on the Cialis box, Karen.”

  • Grey and Comes in Pints

    What’s grey and comes in pints?

    An elephant.

  • Dentist Impressions

    I was at the dentist this afternoon for some impressions.

    He does a good Johnny Carson but his Frank Sinatra is terrible.

  • Invisible

    I thought I was invisible, so I went to the doctor…

    …unfortunately, he couldn’t see me.

  • eBay Is So Useless

    eBay is so useless.

    I tried looking up lighters, and all they had was 13,749 matches.

  • Job Interview

    Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

    Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.

  • One Leg

    What has one leg and licks balls?

    My amputee girlfriend.

  • Jesus vs. a Frame of Jesus

    What’s the difference between Jesus and a frame of Jesus?

    You can hang the frame with only one nail.

  • Same Name

    I should be happy because I have a new girlfriend. The problem is she has the same name as my sister. So every time we have sex now…

    …all I think about is my new girlfriend.

  • My frog impression

    I’ll never forget what my granddad said to me before he croaked.
    He said, “Hey kid, wanna hear my frog impression?”