I hate it when I pay for legal advice that ends up getting me in *more* trouble than I was in originally. It almost makes me want to give back the free corndog.
Delivery Style: One-liner
One-liner joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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If you ask me, packing your top five favorite albums for any trip is just begging for
If you ask me, packing your top five favorite albums for any trip is just begging for trouble.
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There’s nothing quite as rewarding as entering a room and seeing your child’s face light
There’s nothing quite as rewarding as entering a room and seeing your child’s face light up — because it confirms that you finally got the wiring and the LED bulb grafts right this time.
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My friends say I’m a good catch, but I guess I need to find guys with more sophisticated
My friends say I’m a good catch, but I guess I need to find guys with more sophisticated senses of humor. My dates never seem to get it when I leave the seat up in the bathroom. C’mon, everyone knows the ol’ “Crying Game” gag.
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If they take away the right to say “f**k,” how long before they take away the right to
If they take away the right to say “f**k,” how long before they take away the right to say “f##k”?
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How do I know I’m older and wiser?
How do I know I’m older and wiser? I used to skip school to watch MTV. Now I just skip MTV.
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When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you shit, flambe that bad boy in a paper bag and leave it on life’s doorstep. That’ll teach the arrogant asshole.
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Some stupid women pay a small fortune to get their lips puffed up by cosmetic surgeons.
Some stupid women pay a small fortune to get their lips puffed up by cosmetic surgeons. I’ve found you can get the same effect for free just by using a few well-chosen racial slurs on the subway at rush hour.
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“Give me freedom or give me death!”
“Give me freedom or give me death!” could possibly result in you getting death, so I invented a safer version. I approach a group of women and cry, “Give me freedom or give me sex!” Guaranteed freedom — albeit with some restrictions in the restraining order.
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I need to either stop dreaming of being a train conductor or stop drinking so much.
I need to either stop dreaming of being a train conductor or stop drinking so much. I passed out at a party last night right after yelling “All aboard!” and the ride in my dreams got pretty bumpy.
