WHEN GAS PRICES GET SO HIGH THAT YOU CAN ONLY AFFORD TO BE FURIOUS
Delivery Style: Pun
Pun joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only
Quickies
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-doughQ: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming. -
Dirty Medical Humor: Adult Jokes Collection
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It’s what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.Q: What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A: A spreader of old wives’ tails…Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A: They have shaky hands!Q: What do you call a female midget who’s nice and gives head?
A: Short, sweet, and to the point!Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
A: Come in eight flavors.Q: What was the first obscenity ever heard on T.V.?
A: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”Q: Do you know why it’s called sex?
A: Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.Q: If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 8 hours, 59 minutes – who cares what she wants!Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes!Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss. -
Dismayed
Someone ripped the 5th month out of my calendar.
I’m dismayed.
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Makes Your Day
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
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Stationery Bike
To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.
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Nguyen-Nguyen Situation
My boss decided to hire two Vietnamese brothers instead of one.
It was a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.
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Where I Draw the Line
I do a lot of illegal things…
But graffiti is where I draw the line.
