If life gives you a lemon, just throw it away, because I tried making lemonade, and let me tell you: One lemon doesn’t give you a lot of great tasting lemonade, buddy.
Delivery Style: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Front Hole Happiness
A young Japanese girl had been taught all of her life that when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her honeymoon when the young Japanese bride crawled out of the bed after making love, she stooped down to pick up her husband’s clothes and accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up, smiled at him, and said:
“Excuse please… Front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud.”
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Stationery Bike
To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.
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Sex Worker’s Bleeding Problem Baffles Doctor
A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. “Any specific problems you should tell me about?” the doctor asked.
“Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours,” she replied. “Do you think I might be a haemophiliac?”
“Well,” the doctor answered, “Haemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a haemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?”
After calculating for a moment, the hooker replied, “Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess.”
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Stranded Beauty Finds Unexpected Farm Hospitality
A beautiful young lady was a traveling sales person and her car broke down way out in the country. She checked the car as best she could but couldn’t find what was wrong. It was starting to get dark so she decided she had better find shelter for the night.
She found a farm house a short distance up the road and knocked on the door. The farmer answered the door and asked her what she needed. She told the farmer that her car was broken down and she needed a place to stay for the night.
The farmer told her he only had two bedrooms, he and his wife used one and their 18 year old son used the other. The farmer thought about it a minute and said my son went to town and won’t be home until late and he has a big bed anyhow if you want you can sleep in his bed tonight. She thought to herself, wow, 18 year old dick tonight, and said to the farmer that would be fine.
After a nice supper they all went to bed. She took all of her clothes off and lay spread eagle on the bed waiting for the boy. About three in the morning the boy comes in, gets undressed and goes to bed. She waited a while, sure that he would be making advances, but nothing happened.
After a little while she thought, well maybe he’s shy, so she said could you switch sides of the bed with me, thinking he may get her on the way over.
He got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She lay there a little longer and decided to try it again.
Again, he got up and walked around and got into the bed on the other side. She figured there is only one way to make this hick understand, so she rolled over right on top of him and said, “OK now do you know what I want?”
He said, “Yeah, you want the whole damn bed.”
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Virgin’s Unexpected Reaction to Creative Compromise
A guy has been asking the prettiest girl in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him. He takes her to a nice restaurant, buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine and on the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he’s getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she’s a virgin and wants to stay that way.
“Well, OK,” he says, “how about a blow job?”
“EEEEyyyyyyeeeewwwwwww!” she screams. “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth!”
He says, “Well, then, how about a hand job?”
“I’ve never done that,” she says. “What do I have to do?”
“Well,” he answers, “remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?”
She nods.
“Well, it’s just like that.”
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, his eyes close, snot starts to run out of his nose, wax blows out of his ear and he screams out in pain.
“What’s wrong?!” she cries out.
“TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!!!!!!”
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Selling Me a Bridge
My dentist must think I’m incredibly gullible; he keeps trying to sell me a bridge.
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Mother’s Unexpected Backyard Activities
Salesman to boy answering the door… “Hi, is your mother in?”
“Yes,” said the boy, “she’s out in the back yard screwing the goat.”
“I don’t believe it,” said the salesman.
The boy says: “Come and see for yourself.”
So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the goat screwing the mother.
The salesman said to the boy, “Isn’t she afraid she’ll get pregnant?”
The boy says… “N-a-a-a-a-a-a-“
