Delivery Style: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • ’Cause You’re Ugly

    A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a two-pound can of coffee, and a one-pound package of bacon.

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    As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

    He said, “You must be single.”

    The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, looked at her six items on the belt.

    Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, she said, “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

    The drunk replied, “’Cause you’re ugly.”

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  • Are You Sure This Is Where He Fell In

    A drunk stumbles into a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He walks down into the water and stands next to the preacher.

    The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

    The drunk replies, “Yesh, Your Honor, I shur am!”

    The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” he asked.

    “Nooo, Your Highness, I shur dint!” says the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

    “Noooo, Your Majesty, I shur dint!” the drunk slurs again.

    Disgusted, the preacher holds the man under for at least thirty seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My good man, have you found Jesus YET?”

    The drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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  • So How Many Does It Take

    Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a “good time.”

    “Look,” says the woman, “what do you think I am? I don’t turn into a slut after three drinks, you know!”

    “OK,” replies Joe, “so how many does it take?”

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  • This Is a Singles Bar

    A man walks into a bar and says, “Excuse me, I’d like a pint of beer.”

    The bartender serves the drink and says, “That’ll be four dollars.”

    The customer pulls out a twenty-dollar bill and hands it to the bartender.

    “Sorry, sir,” the bartender says, “but I can’t accept that.”

    The man pulls out a ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. “What’s going on here?” the man asks.

    Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, “This is a Singles Bar.”

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  • Maybe Later

    An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge of the hotel and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”

    “What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.

    “Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”

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  • We’re on the Patch

    Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror — the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, “What are we going to do?”

    The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking.”

    They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy’s driver’s license. And he asks him, “Have you been drinking?”

    “Oh, no, sir,” the driver replies.

    “I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.

    “Oh, no, sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”

    “Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, “what on earth are those things on your forehead?”

    “That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. “You see, we’re both alcoholics, and we’re on the Patch!”

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  • Eats That Many Trains

    My personal trainer said he eats five big meals and trains six days a week.

    I have no idea how he eats that many trains.

  • Put Some Xs

    Put Some Xs

    See you later, love you xxx

    Love you too

    Babe it would mean a lot to me if you’d put some X’s at the end of your replies xxx

    Ok, love you too Donna, Jackie, Karen and Becky

    Fuckin prick!!!

  • Taking It Harder

    My family recently discovered our granddad has a Viagra addiction.

    No one is taking it harder than grandma.