A couple went to an agricultural show on a fine Sunday afternoon and were watching the bull auction.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosDelivery Style: unexpected twist
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You’re in the Team for This Saturday
Two 70-year-old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives…
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day, Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his deathbed. “Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.” Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him.
“Mike… Mike!”
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Joe.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In Heaven,” replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says, “is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!”
“That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”
“You’re in the team for this Saturday.”
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Practicing Law Somewhere
A tough lawyer is cross-examining a medical expert in court: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
“No.”
“Did you check for blood pressure?”
“No.”
“Did you check for breathing?”
“No.”
“So, then it is possible that the patient was still alive when you began the autopsy?”
“No.”
“How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
“Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.”
“I see… But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?”
“Yes, I suppose it’s possible that he was alive and practicing law somewhere.”
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Who’s Going to Believe Him
A priest wakes up one Sunday morning to absolutely perfect golfing weather. After weeks of rain and wind, the sky is clear, the sun is shining, and there’s just the slightest breeze.
But of course… it’s Sunday. He’s supposed to lead the service.
On impulse, he decides to play hooky. He calls the other priest in the parish and says, “I’m not feeling well. Can you take the service today?”
As soon as he hears the church bells ring, he sneaks out to the golf course. Nobody will see him — everyone is in church.
Up in heaven, God and St. Peter are watching. St. Peter is outraged.
“Lord, what are you going to do about this? He skipped church… to golf!”
God just smiles.
The priest steps up to the first tee, swings, and — hole in one. He’s stunned. At the second hole, he swings again — another hole in one. The ball barely touches the grass.
St. Peter throws up his hands. “I saw that! The breeze changed right at the last second. That was YOU!”
God still says nothing.
At the next hole, the priest hits a terrible shot. The ball flies into the trees, hits a branch, rebounds, lands on the green, rolls in a perfect curve to the cup… circles it… rolls away… then slowly rolls BACK… and drops right in.
St. Peter is beside himself. “Lord! He’s having the best golf game of his entire life! This is punishment?”
God finally answers, “Tell me, Peter… who’s he going to tell? And if he does — who’s going to believe him?”
