A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper and orders a cold beer.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosDelivery Style: unexpected twist
-
Do You Still Need a Push
A young man knocks on a couple’s door late one evening. It’s cold, wet, and well past midnight.
The husband answers the door, clearly annoyed at being disturbed so late.
The young man asks, “Could you give me a push?”
The husband replies, “It’s 3 a.m., it’s freezing outside, and you look perfectly healthy. Push yourself.”
Then he slams the door in the young man’s face.
A few minutes later, the husband gets into bed.
“Who was that?” his wife asks.
“Oh, some young guy who said he needed a push. He’s young and strong. He can do it himself.”
His wife frowns. “Remember when our car broke down a few months ago? We would’ve been grateful for any help we could get. Go do a good deed and help the poor fellow.”
Feeling guilty, the husband gets out of bed, throws on his dressing gown, and heads outside.
He looks up and down the street but can’t see a broken-down car or anyone in sight.
Finally, he calls out, “Hello? Do you still need a push? I’m happy to help! Where are you?”
From the playground across the street, a voice calls back, “I’m over here on the swing!”
-
The Irishman and the Ten Pint Bet
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers! I’ll put down $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints back-to-back!”
The entire pub goes silent. Nobody moves.
Then one Irishman quietly stands up and walks straight out the door.
About 30 minutes later, he returns, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, “That bet still good?”
“Sure is!” the Texan says.
The bartender lines up ten pints — full glasses from one end of the bar to the other.
Without a blink, the Irishman downs all 10 pints in a row and slams the last one down like a champion.
The bar erupts with cheers. The Texan pays the $500 — totally stunned.
He asks, “If you don’t mind me askin’, where’d you run off to for that half hour?”
The Irishman grins, “Oh, I just popped down to the pub around the corner to see if I could do it first.”
-
Only 40,000 Miles Now
A woman wanted to sell her car but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked how many miles were on the car.
“235,000,” she said.
Her friend told her that was the problem but said her brother was a mechanic who could roll the mileage back to whatever she wanted.
So the woman went to the mechanic and told him to set it to 40,000.
Two days later, her friend asked if she had sold the car now that the mileage had been lowered.
The woman replied, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it now!”
