Wordplay Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Taking Steps to Avoid Them

I’m scared of elevators…

So I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Scientists have finished a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk.

The results are staggering.

My daughter broke two of my Freddie Mercury records.

Now she wants to break three.

Why don’t blondes like to breastfeed their children?

Because it hurts when they boil their nipples.

How does a blonde hold her liquor?

By the ears.

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:

“I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen”.

The surprised salesman replies: “But madam, computers do not have curtains…”.

And the blonde said: “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Why can’t a blonde count to 70?

Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful

A blonde goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk “I need to buy some deodorant for my husband.”

“Does he use the ball kind?” enquired the clerk.

“No,” replied the blonde, “The kind for under his arms.”

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthesia.

He said, “Sure, knock yourself out.”