Wordplay Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

Dis-Pear

Magician: “And for my next trick, I will disappear!”

Magician: *holds pear*

“You’re the worst fruit ever!”

The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 4 people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 4 people without any problems?”

If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…

I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.

My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl until he found out she was seeing someone on the side.

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “What’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”

The pirate says, “There’s Bounty on me head.”

After an argument a husband sat in his work room throwing darts at a photo of his wife but not a single one hits the target.

From upstairs his wife asks him, “What are you doing?”

He replies, “Missing you!”