Me: wanna fuck? 👀
Her: Why do u have to say it like that? Its supposed to be a magical moment
Me: Alakazam let me slam
Delivery Style: wordplay
Wordplay joke delivery styles, punchline pacing, and comedy formats for people with specific chaos preferences from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Stephen King Has a Son Named Joe
Stephen King has a son named Joe.
I’m not joking, but he is.
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500 Votes Per Boob Electoral College
Well, another election in my household has passed and the results are in: The Sex-Every-Sunday Referendum was defeated soundly, 1000-1. I knew agreeing to the 500-vote-per-boob Electoral College would come back to haunt me.
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Quickies: Crude Jokes for Adults Only
Quickies
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame?
A: It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.Q: What’s the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.Q: What’s the ultimate rejection?
A: When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face, and moaning, “Lie to me!”Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any.Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
A: K9P.Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: “How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago.”Q: What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A: If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.Q: What’s another name for pickled bread?
A: Dill-doughQ: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming. -
Clitty Bruiser Deluxe
DIFSEL
CLITTY-BRUISER DELUXE 5000-D 10 H.P. MODEL
“It’s nothing numb nuts… go back to sleep”
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Sex Life Scored by Guessing Game Results
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points. If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience.
Now please begin.
“CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn’t maiden for long. A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and plead for it.
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney -
Dirty Medical Humor: Adult Jokes Collection
Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It’s what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.Q: What do you call a Florida gynecologist?
A: A spreader of old wives’ tails…Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A: They have shaky hands!Q: What do you call a female midget who’s nice and gives head?
A: Short, sweet, and to the point!Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.Q: What do Lifesavers do that a man can’t?
A: Come in eight flavors.Q: What was the first obscenity ever heard on T.V.?
A: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the Beaver last night?”Q: Do you know why it’s called sex?
A: Because it’s easier to spell than Uhhhhh..oooohh…Ahhhhhh….AIIEEEEEEE!!!Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.Q: If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to wake up, and your wife wants to have 2 hours of sex, how much sleep will you get?
A: 8 hours, 59 minutes – who cares what she wants!Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes!Q: Why do women have two holes so close together?
A: In case you miss. -
Not a Big Fan
I hate it when people call me a windmill.
I’m not a big fan.
