Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Wheelbarrow Bet

    A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

    After several minutes, the older worker had enough. “Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

    “You’re on, old man,” the young man replied. “Let’s see what you got.”

    The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”

  • What Would Tiger Do

    A couple were on their honeymoon.

    Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband:

    “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.”

    The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”

    The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one other guy.”

    “Oh yeah? Who was the guy?”

    “Tiger Woods.”

    “Tiger Woods, the golfer?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Well he’s rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him.”

    The husband and wife then make passionate love.

    When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

    “What are you doing?” says the wife.

    The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”

    “Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

    “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

    “He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.”

    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.

    When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

    “What are you doing?” she says.

    The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food.”

    “Tiger wouldn’t do that.”

    “Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?”

    “He’d come back to bed and do it one more time.”

    The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time.

    When they finish he’s tired and beat.

    He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

    The wife asks, “Are you calling room service?”

    “No! I’m calling Tiger Woods to find out what’s par for this hole.”

  • Why They Charge for Air

    The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car’s gas tank and tires…

    She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, “Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!”

    I responded, “Inflation.”

  • Confessions After the Ceremony

    A man and a woman meet in a bar, fall madly in love, and decide to get married a week later.

    After the ceremony, the man looks to his new bride, and says, “I have a confession to make. I am completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe the game, it’s my obsession, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”

    The woman looks at her new husband and says, “Honey, I could never hate you. But, I also have a confession to make. I’m a hooker, and hope you won’t hate me for it, either.”

    The man gets a rather tortured look on his face, rubs his chin, and after a few long moments says, “Ok, well, show me your stance.”

  • A Quiet Night in the Parking Spot

    A cop was patrolling at night in a well known area for “parking.” He saw a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He got closer to the car and saw a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting.

    Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walked over to the car and knocked on the window.

    “Yes, officer?”

    “What are you doing?”

    “Well, isn’t it obvious? I’m reading a magazine.”

    Pointing to the young woman, the cop asked, “And her, what is she doing?”

    The young man shrugged, “I believe she’s knitting a pullover.”

    The cop was totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night and nothing obscene is happening!

    “What’s your age, young man?”

    “I’m 22, sir.”

    “And her, what’s her age?”

    The young man looks at his watch and said, “She’ll be 18 in 20 minutes.”

  • Sherlock Holmes and the Stolen Tent

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the American countryside. After a hearty meal and a bottle of wine, they settled in for the night.

    A few hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his friend, “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    Watson gazed upward and said, “I see millions of stars.”

    Holmes asked, “And what does that tell you?”

    Watson thought for a moment and said, “Astronomically, it tells me there are countless galaxies and planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, I’d say it’s about a quarter past three. Theologically, it shows that God is all-powerful and we are small. And weather-wise, I’d expect a beautiful day tomorrow.”

    Holmes paused briefly, then shook his head.

    “Watson, you fool… it means that someone has stolen our tent.”

  • Take on an Empty Stomach

    Doctor: “Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed you last month?”

    Me: “It says to take on an empty stomach, so no, I haven’t had the chance.”

  • Suffering From Complete Sexual Exhaustion

    A smart-assed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

    The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

    When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, “Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand.”

  • Put Me Down for a Five

    Police have been called to an apartment, and upon arrival find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

    The detective asks, “Ma’am, is that your husband?”

    “Yes,” says the woman.

    “Did you hit him with that golf club?”

    “Yes, yes, I did.”

    The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

    “How many times did you hit him?”

    “I don’t know — put me down for a five.”

  • When My Dad Asked for the Vaseline

    A salesman rings the doorbell and Johnny answers.

    Salesman: “Can I see your dad?”

    Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.”

    Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?”

    Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower too.”

    Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?”

    Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.”