Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • You Wanted Me to Say Shingles

    A man claims he has the smartest dog in the world. His friend doesn’t believe him.

    “Prove it,” the friend says.

    The man points to his dog and says, “Go get me something to eat.”

    The dog runs off and comes back with a sandwich.

    “Lucky guess,” says the friend.

    The man tries again: “Go get me something to drink.”

    The dog runs off and comes back with a soda.

    The friend is impressed but still skeptical.

    “Alright… ask him something harder.”

    The man nods and says, “What’s on top of a house?”

    The dog barks, “Roof!”

    The friend laughs. “That’s it? Any dog could do that!”

    The dog looks at him and says, “You wanted me to say shingles?”

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  • And Any Weaknesses

    “I once farted so loud that everyone in the grocery store ducked.”

    Interviewer: “Ok… and any weaknesses?”

  • The Siskel and Ebert

    A husband asked his wife to try a new sex position. She was in an adventurous but shy mood so she agreed but asked if they could do it in the dark.

    Following his directions, she got on all fours and was surprised to find herself being entered by both holes at once.

    “Oh, that’s actually very nice, but how are you doing it?”

    “It’s all in the name my darling. It’s called the Siskel and Ebert.”

    “The Siskel and Ebert? What on earth does that mean?”

    “Two thumbs up!”

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  • Youll Never Hit Her From Here

    Two guys were out playing golf.

    Dan stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity – looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed.

    Finally his exasperated friend Ken cried, “What’s taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”

    “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot,” answered Dan.

    “Forget it, man,” said Ken. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

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  • Traumatized by the Ninth Grade

    Wife approaches her husband while he is reading a book.

    “Promise me you won’t get mad,” the wife whispered, her eyes fixed on the floor.

    Her husband looked up from his book. “I promise. What’s going on?”

    “And you won’t hit me?” she pressed.

    The husband laughed, pulled her close, and said, “I have never laid a hand on you and I never will. You can tell me anything.”

    She closed her eyes and braced herself for a slap. “I’m pregnant.”

    “That’s incredible news!” Husband shouted, over the moon. “Why would you think I’d be angry about that?”

    Wife wiped her brow and said, “I guess I’m just traumatized. Because when I told my mom the same thing in the 9th grade, she nearly killed me.”

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  • A Free and Independent Nation

    An American man gets married to a British woman…

    Before the big night, his father tells him:

    “Tonight, I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.

    Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation.

    And finally I want you to take off your clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.”

    After the big night, the father asks his son, “So how was it?”

    Son: “Well, I carried her in my arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.”

    Father: “Good!”

    Son: “Then I threw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation.”

    Father: “Yeah!”

    Son: “And then I took off my clothes to show her that the US is a beautiful nation.”

    Father: “Very good! And then what did you do?”

    Son: “I jacked off in front of her.”

    Father: “What? Why would you do that for?”

    Son: “To show her that the US is a free and independent nation!”

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  • Little Johnny Loses Grandpa

    Little Johnny got lost in the shopping mall…

    He approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

    The guard asked, “What’s his name?”

    “Grandpa.”

    The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”

    The boy paused for a moment, then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits!”

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  • Little Johnny and the Mortgage

    Little Johnny wanted a $200 bike, but his dad shut him down fast:

    “Son, we have an $80,000 mortgage and I just got fired. No bike. Period.”

    Two days later, Johnny is at the front door with a suitcase, looking like he’s moving to Mexico.

    His dad asks, “Where the heck are you going?”

    Johnny looks him dead in the eye and says:

    “Look, I walked past your bedroom this morning. I heard you tell Mom you were ‘pulling out,’ and Mom said she was ‘coming too.’ Well, I’m not an idiot! I’m leaving now because I’ll be damned if I’m the only one left here to pay off that $80,000 mortgage!”

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  • The Elevator Operator

    I took an elevator up to the 69th floor for a meeting and as I was getting out, the operator said, “Have a good day, son.” I grumbled, “Don’t call me son. You’re not my dad.”

    He scratched his head. “No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”

    After my meeting, I got back on the elevator to go back down and the same operator was there.

    I didn’t say anything to him, but when we got to the ground floor, he said to me, “I’m sorry.”

    “Because you thought you were my dad?” I asked him.

    He shook his head. “No, son, because I let you down.”

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  • Boat for Sale

    An old woman goes to the newspaper office after her husband died.

    She says to the person at the front desk that she needs to get an obituary published for her husband.

    She gets brought into an office and is asked what she wants the obituary to say.

    The woman thinks and says, “Fred Smith died.”

    The reporter looks at her and says, “Ma’am, you can have it say more than that if you want.”

    So the little old lady thinks for a second and says, “Fred Smith died. Boat for sale.”

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