Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Albert and the Divorce Court

    Albert wanted to divorce his wife, so they went to court.

    Judge: “Are you sure you still want to divorce your wife?”

    Albert: “Yes, Your Honor. I’m serious.”

    Judge: “Don’t you regret it?”

    Albert: “How could I not? Why should I keep a wife who goes out every night to cafés, bars, and clubs?”

    Judge: “Does your wife drink alcohol?”

    Albert: “Uh… no, sir.”

    Judge: “Does she like dancing and partying?”

    Albert: “Not really, sir.”

    Judge: “Then what does she do every night in those places?”

    Albert: “She’s looking for me, sir.”

  • The Adult Toy Shop and the Checkered Thermos

    The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.

    “The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.

    The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.

    Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.

    Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”

    Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.

    “How much are those toys?”

    “The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”

    “Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”

    Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”

    “SOLD! I’ll take it!”

    An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.

    “It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”

  • Billy Ray and the Bottom Deodorant

    Billy Ray walks into Walgreens and asks the pharmacist for some “Bottom deodorant” for his bottom.

    “Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, trying to keep from laughing.

    “Yeah but I always buy it here,” Billy Ray says. “I bought one last month. My wife gets hers from here too!”

    Curious, the pharmacist suggests, “Look, I don’t know what y’all bought before, but maybe you can bring in the empty one of what y’all had next time you come in.”

    “Sure thing,” Billy Ray says. “I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”

    The next day, Billy Ray walks into Walgreens again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick.

    “This is just a normal deodorant,” the man tells Billy Ray. “To use under your arms.”

    “Oh no it is not,” Billy Ray answers. “Look here where it says: TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”

  • Little Johnny at the Horse Auction

    Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his father. He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.

    After a few minutes Johnny asks, “Dad, why are you doing that?”

    His father says, “I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy one.”

    Worried, Johnny says, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom.”

  • Spell Way

    A husband got home early from work. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, sat in his favorite recliner and put the TV on a game!

    His wife got home late from work! She immediately started dinner, the laundry and vacuuming!

    As she walked by, her husband grabbed her hand and asked, “What are the chances of me getting laid tonight?”

    She said, “Spell way!”

    He replied, “W-A-Y!”

    She said, “You forgot the F.”

    He said, “There is no F in way!”

    His wife replied, “Exactly!”

  • The Barber and the Mother-in-Law

    A man gets a haircut, and the barber keeps asking, “So… how’s your mother-in-law these days?”

    The man replies, “She’s fine.”

    A few minutes later, the barber asks again, “And your mother-in-law? How’s she doing?”

    The man starts getting irritated.

    “I just told you she’s fine! Why do you keep asking about her?”

    The barber grins and says, “Oh, it’s not because I care. Every time I mention your mother-in-law, your hair stands straight up, and that makes it much easier for me to cut.”

  • Putin’s Driver and the Pig

    Vladimir Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv in a car when all of a sudden they hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly.

    Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled.

    “What happened to you?” asked Putin.

    “Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box of cigars and their 19 year old and 21 year old daughters made mad passionate love to me simultaneously.”

    “My God, what did you tell them?” asks Putin.

    The driver replies, “I’m president Putin’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

  • The Ex-Wife and the Coffee Catch-Up

    A man bumps into his ex-wife after not talking for many years, and they decide to grab a coffee together and catch up.

    “So,” says the man, “I heard you got remarried.”

    “That’s right,” she says.

    The man smirks. “And how does he like your sorry excuse for cooking?”

    “Oh, he likes it just fine,” she says.

    “And how does he like your god-awful blowjobs?”

    “Oh, he likes them just fine,” she says.

    “Yeah? And how does he like that tired, worn-out old pussy?”

    “Oh, he likes it just fine,” she says. “Once he gets past the tired, worn-out part.”

  • The Preacher and Mrs O’Malley

    “Mrs O’Malley, good morning,” greeted the preacher.

    “Good morning, Pastor,” she replied.

    “Last week, your husband walked out during the sermon. I hope nothing too serious is the matter?”

    “Nothing too serious, just that he has a tendency for sleepwalking.”

  • The Dog-Friendly Hotel

    A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”

    An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here too.”