A prostitute approaches a guy. “Hey babe, do you want to have sex for $400?”
Guy: “Funny that you ask, I could use that money very well.”
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Well I’m Here Now
A member of the KGB is walking along a production line in a factory and decides to ask a few questions of one of the workers.
KGB: “Comrade, if you had a drink of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker thinks a bit and replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had five drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker again considers this a bit and again replies, “Yes, I think so.”
KGB: “Comrade, if you had ten drinks of vodka, could you still perform your appointed tasks?”
The worker answers quickly, “Well, I’m here now…”
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Your Dad Was Better at It
Growing up, my mom would never hit me or my brother.
When I asked her why, she said, “Because your dad was better at it.”
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Albert and the Divorce Court
Albert wanted to divorce his wife, so they went to court.
Judge: “Are you sure you still want to divorce your wife?”
Albert: “Yes, Your Honor. I’m serious.”
Judge: “Don’t you regret it?”
Albert: “How could I not? Why should I keep a wife who goes out every night to cafés, bars, and clubs?”
Judge: “Does your wife drink alcohol?”
Albert: “Uh… no, sir.”
Judge: “Does she like dancing and partying?”
Albert: “Not really, sir.”
Judge: “Then what does she do every night in those places?”
Albert: “She’s looking for me, sir.”
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The Adult Toy Shop and the Checkered Thermos
The owner of an adult toy shop was training his new employee on the rules, how things worked, and the price list of their products.
“The only items without price tags are the dildos kept behind the cashier counter.
The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.
Everything else in the store already has the price marked on it.
Now, I’m heading out for a bit to take care of something important. I’ll be back in about an hour or two.”
Business went smoothly for an hour, until finally a customer asked about the items kept behind the counter.
“How much are those toys?”
“The white ones are $10, and the black ones are $25.”
“Oh, those are nice! How much is that one with the checkered pattern?”
Thinking quickly on his feet, the employee replied, “That one is $200.”
“SOLD! I’ll take it!”
An hour later, the owner returned and asked how business had been while he was gone.
“It was booming, Boss! I managed to sell five of the white ones and ten of the black ones. And I also got $200 for that checkered thermos of yours you had sitting back there!”
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Billy Ray and the Bottom Deodorant
Billy Ray walks into Walgreens and asks the pharmacist for some “Bottom deodorant” for his bottom.
“Sorry, we don’t sell bottom deodorant,” the pharmacist replies, trying to keep from laughing.
“Yeah but I always buy it here,” Billy Ray says. “I bought one last month. My wife gets hers from here too!”
Curious, the pharmacist suggests, “Look, I don’t know what y’all bought before, but maybe you can bring in the empty one of what y’all had next time you come in.”
“Sure thing,” Billy Ray says. “I’ll bring it in tomorrow.”
The next day, Billy Ray walks into Walgreens again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick.
“This is just a normal deodorant,” the man tells Billy Ray. “To use under your arms.”
“Oh no it is not,” Billy Ray answers. “Look here where it says: TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.”
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Little Johnny at the Horse Auction
Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his father. He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes Johnny asks, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father says, “I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy one.”
Worried, Johnny says, “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy mom.”
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Spell Way
A husband got home early from work. He grabbed a beer from the fridge, sat in his favorite recliner and put the TV on a game!
His wife got home late from work! She immediately started dinner, the laundry and vacuuming!
As she walked by, her husband grabbed her hand and asked, “What are the chances of me getting laid tonight?”
She said, “Spell way!”
He replied, “W-A-Y!”
She said, “You forgot the F.”
He said, “There is no F in way!”
His wife replied, “Exactly!”
