Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Waiting at the Bottom of the Bridge

    A beautiful woman was upset with her life, and about to throw herself off a bridge.

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    Before she worked up the courage to make that final leap, an obscenely hideous, creepy, stinky homeless chud of a man approached. He got quite near to her and shouted, “WHAT’N THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” She replied, “Get away from me, I’ve had it with this life and I’m going to die while I still have my dignity.” He says, “YOU AUGHTA LET ME BE THE LAST GUY TO FUCK YOU BEFORE YOU DIE.” She recoiled in horror and responded, “There is absolutely no way that will be my last act on this earth, now leave me in peace!” He says, “OKAY LADY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY. I’LL JUST GO WAIT FOR YOU AT THE BOTTOM DOWN THERE.”

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  • Walking Home From the Local in Belfast

    A man was walking home from his local in Belfast when he felt something prod in his back and a voice whisper in his ear, “Tell me. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

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    He gulped and said nothing.

    The voice angrily whispered, “Tell me! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

    The man shat himself a little and thought, it’s fifty fifty if I live if I tell the truth or lie.

    The thing in his back was pushed harder, the voice now much louder, “Tell me! Are you Catholic or Protestant!?”

    In a very quiet voice the man says, “I’m a Jewish boy” and the voice behind him says, “I must be the luckiest Arab in Belfast tonight!”

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  • You’re Much Bigger Than That

    My wife told me, “Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”

    “You’re much bigger than that.”

  • Up to My Chin Should Do It

    A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”

    So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”

    “Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”

  • Digging in Her Heels

    A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”

    “What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”

    And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”

  • You’ll Get Used to It

    My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.

    She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”

  • How About Now

    My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

    I replied, “No.”

    She responded, “How about now?”

  • As Hot Today as 50 Years Ago

    Old lady says to her husband, “My nipples are as hot today as they were 50 years ago.”

    Her husband says, “They ought to be. One is in coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.”

  • You Should Be Hung

    I was sitting down having a beer watching my wife mow the lawn, and this old lady came over and shouted at me, “You should be hung!”

    I shouted back, “I am… that’s why she mows the lawn!”

  • Such a Small Organ

    In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”

    He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”