THIS IS MY BLOOD, GIVEN UNTO YOU.
AND THIS IS MY BODY.
I DON’T FEEL VERY COMFORTABLE ABOUT THIS, JESUS.
MORE BLOOD?
Cyanide and Happiness © Explosm.net
Format: dialogue
Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Does Your Mom Count? – Heavy Machinery Interview
interviewer: any experience operating heavy machinery?
guy: does your mom count?
interviewer: lmao fuck you’re hired
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Why Am I Black and You’re White? Lucky You Don’t Bark
A boy asks his mom, “Why am i black and you’re white?”
Mom replied, “Don’t even go there. The way that party went. You’re lucky you don’t bark”
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When Pigeons Have Sex They Die – Well the One I Fucked Did
Did you know that when pigeons have sex they die?
Really?
Well the one I fucked did
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Your Word Is Seaward – C-U-N… Please No Jesus Stop
moderator: your word is ‘seaward’
spelling bee contestant: C-U-N…
moderator: please no jesus stop
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The Classic Move
Me: *trying the ol’ yawn/reach-around-the-shoulder trick*
Other guy at urinal: hey
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Big Tits on Babies
My wife asked me if I wish she had been born with big tits.
I told her that I find big tits on babies disturbing.
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So Fred, You’re 97! What’s Your Secret?
Reporter: So Fred, you’re 97! What’s your secret?
Fred: I sucked a cock for a watch once.
Reporter: I meant secret of your longevity.
Fred: Oh! Fruits and vegetables.
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I Proposed to Sarah and She Said Yes – Send Me a Picture of Her Ring
I proposed to Sarah and she said yes!
OMG! congratulations! send me a picture of her Ring please!
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I Found the TV Remote
OH MY! YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED AND CARESSED ME LIKE THAT IN YEARS! WHY DID YOU STOP?
I FOUND THE TV REMOTE…
