Format: dialogue

Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Mormon and Irishman

    A Mormon and an Irishman were seated next to each other in first class on a flight out of NYC.

    Once the plane was airborne and the seatbelt sign was turned off, drink orders were taken.

    The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was brought to him right away and placed in front of him.

    Then the flight attendant asked the Mormon what he wanted to drink, and he replied, “I would rather be raped by twelve wild whores than let demon liquor touch my lips.”

    The Irishman handed his drink back to the attendant and said, “Same here. I didn’t know we had a choice.”

  • Potential vs Reality

    A son tells his father he has a homework assignment due, and he can’t figure out how to complete it. The task is to explain the difference between theory and reality.

    The father instructs him: “Go ask your mom if she would have sex with a stranger for $1,000,000.”

    The mom says yes.

    Then the father tells him to ask his sister the same question.

    She also says yes.

    The father says, “There. You figured out the assignment. In theory, we live with two millionaires. In reality, we live with two sluts.”

  • A wealthy widow is looking for a husband

    A wealthy, lonely widow decided she needed a new man in her life, so she placed an ad in the newspaper:

    “Wealthy widow seeks a man to share her fortune and life. Applicants must meet the following qualifications:

    1. Don’t be aggressive toward me.
    2. Never run away.
    3. Must be extremely good in bed.”

    For months, she got plenty of calls and house visits, but no one met her criteria.

    One day, the doorbell rang.

    She opened the door and saw a man lying there without arms and without legs.

    Confused, she asked, “Who are you? What do you want?”

    “Hello,” he said. “Your search is over. I’m the man of your dreams. I have no arms, so I can’t hit you, and no legs, so I can’t run away.”

    “Okay… well, do you think you’re good in bed?” she asked.

    He replied, “Well, how do you think I rang the doorbell?”

  • Family Act

    A family walks into a talent agency and says they have an act. The talent agent retorts, “I don’t sign family acts, sorry.” They reply, “Please! You’ve got to see our act.”

    They spring into action. The dad pulls out a coffee table and the mom starts laying out saucers and teacups. The son places chairs around the table while the daughter serves blueberry scones. They proceed to enjoy a mid-morning tea and have polite conversation. They laugh and smile and bond as family.

    When they finish their tea and scones, the agent asks, “What do you call your act?”

    The family replies, “The cocksucking mother fuckers…”

  • Little Johnny and Cows

    Little Johnny is out riding his bike with his dad through the fields when he sees a bull on top of a cow.

    Johnny: “Dad, what’s that bull doing?”
    Dad: “Well, the sun’s about to set, Johnny, so the bull is just pushing the cow back into the barn.”

    Johnny: “Wow! It’s a good thing Mama held on to the kitchen table yesterday—otherwise the postman would’ve pushed her all the way back to the post office!”

  • I want puppies!

    A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.

    When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”

    That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.

    She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”

    The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”

  • The challenge

    A man walks into a bar and sees a big barrel full to bursting with $20 bills. He orders a drink and, striking up a conversation with the bartender, gets around to asking, “what’s the deal with the big barrel of cash?”

    The bartender chuckles and says, “oh, for a $20 entry fee that can be yours. You just have to complete three tasks.”

    The man perks up and says, “what do I have to do to win?”

    The bartender says, “first, you need to do a shot of this hot sauce brewed from the hottest peppers in the world. After that, there’s a pitbull in the back. Take these pliers and pull out its rotten, sore tooth.”

    The man balks at that, but says “what’s the third thing?”

    The bartender says, “there’s an old lady who lives above the bar. Have sex with her until she’s satisfied and the money is yours.”

    The man has a few drinks and thinks about it. Finally he slaps a $20 on the bar. The bartender pours a shot from the hottest peppers sauce and the man plugs his nose and downs the shot.

    Next the man disappears and the whole bar hears the dog growling, barking and snapping. He comes staggering back into the bar, scratched and bloodied. After he catches his breath he turns to the bartender and says, “alright, where is this bitch with the bad tooth?”

  • Too Many Questions for a Simple Donation!

    Blood donation centers ask way too many questions:

    “Where’d you get it?”
    “Whose blood is it?”
    “Why is it in a bucket?”

  • Faked my age

    A 60-year-old millionaire marries a hot 25-year-old woman.

    After the honeymoon, they throw a party to celebrate their marriage. After a few drinks, the millionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed a 25-year-old hottie.

    “It’s simple,” the millionaire boasts. “I faked my age.”

    “Yeah, but even for a 40- or 45-year-old guy, she’s sensational. So what age did you tell her you were?” a friend asks.

    With a smile on his lips, the millionaire responds, “85 years old.”

  • Blonde in a library

    A blonde walked into a library, marched up to the counter, and said, “I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”

    The librarian said, “Excuse me! This is a library!”

    The blonde then whispered, “Sorry… I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”