Format: narrative

Narrative comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Okay, who farted?

    Three guys from San Francisco are in a hot tub when suddenly a large blob of semen rises to the top.
    One of the guys stands up, angry, and asks, “Okay, WHO farted?”

  • Penguin Problems: Ice Cream and Car Repairs!

    A penguin was driving her car when it started shaking and making a noise. Fortunately, she was able to make it to a mechanic before it stopped running.

    The mechanic told her it would be a couple of hours before he could get to it, so he suggested the penguin hang out at the ice cream shop across the street.

    The penguin grabbed her laptop from the car and headed across the street to check email and do some work.

    Two hours later, she went back to the shop and spoke with the mechanic. The penguin asked, “What’s the problem? Is it the transmission?”

    The mechanic responded, “It looks like you blew a seal.”

    To which the penguin responded, “Nah, that’s just a little ice cream,” as she wiped her chin.

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  • Apple Surprise: The Bartender’s Magic Trick!

    A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. The bartender reaches under the counter and hands him an apple. The man is confused. He says, “I asked for a gin and tonic.”

    The bartender says, “Try it. Trust me.”

    The man takes a bite and chews it, then he looks surprised.

    “Wow, this tastes just like gin!” he says.

    The bartender says, “Now turn it around.”

    The man turns the apple around and takes another bite. “Wow, this tastes like tonic!”

    A second man walks up to the bar and asks the bartender for a rum and coke. The bartender reaches under the counter and hands him an apple. The second man says, “I asked for a rum and coke.”

    The bartender says, “Try it. Trust me.”

    The man takes a bite and chews it, then he looks surprised. “Wow, this tastes like rum!”

    The bartender says, “Now turn it around.”

    The man turns the apple around and takes another bite. “Wow, this tastes like coke!”

    A third man walks up to the bar and asks the bartender if he has anything special. The first man says, “This guy has magic apples that taste like anything you want!”

    The third man is intrigued. He asks the bartender, “Do you have an apple that tastes like pussy?”

    The bartender chuckles, reaches under the counter, and hands him an apple. The third man eagerly bites into the apple, chews, then spits it out. “This tastes like shit!” he says.

    The bartender says, “Turn it around.”

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  • Duct Tape: The Ultimate Duck Catcher!

    An old man is sitting on his porch and sees a kid walking by carrying a roll of duct tape.

    The old guy yells out, “Hey kid! Where are you going with that duct tape?”

    “Gonna catch me some ducks!” says the kid.

    “What? You can’t catch ducks with duct tape!” he yells back, but the kid continues on his way.

    A couple hours later, the kid is walking back the other way, carrying four ducks wrapped up in duct tape. The old man can’t believe it.

    The next day, the old guy is sitting on his porch again and sees the kid walking by. This time, he’s got a roll of chicken wire under his arm.

    The old guy yells out, “Hey kid! Where are you going with that chicken wire?”

    “Gonna catch me some chickens!” says the kid.

    “Seriously? You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!” he yells back, but once again the kid just continues on his way.

    Later that day, the kid walks back the other way and, sure enough, he’s got a half-dozen chickens wrapped up in the chicken wire. The old guy is astounded.

    The next day, once again, the old guy is sitting out on his porch and sees the kid walking in front of his house.

    He yells out, “Hey kid, what’ve you got under your arm there?”

    “Pussywillow!” says the kid.

    “…Hang on, I’ll go get my hat.”

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  • The third couldn’t reach

    Three nuns were sitting on a bench in the park when a man ran up and flashed them.
    Two of the nuns had a stroke. The third couldn’t reach.

  • Knitting and Vitamins: Baby’s Best Starts!

    So there are these three pregnant women in the OB-GYN’s waiting room: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all knitting baby sweaters.

    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the redhead pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the redhead says. “This is just calcium. I want my baby to have strong bones.”

    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the brunette pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the brunette says. “This is just vitamin C. I want my baby to have a strong immune system.”

    So they knit and they knit and they knit. Then the blonde pops a pill. The other two gasp.

    “It’s OK,” the blonde says. “This is just thalidomide. I can’t get the arms on this sweater right.”

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  • Gorilla Pranks Lion: Jungle’s Wildest Tale!

    A gorilla spots a lion bent over a stream taking a drink. He sneaks up behind him, does his thing, and takes off running. Furious, the lion chases him through the jungle.

    The gorilla gets ahead and runs into a safari camp, quickly throws on some khakis, grabs a newspaper, and sits by the fire pretending to read.

    Moments later, the lion bursts into camp, roaring, “Did anyone see a gorilla run through here?”

    Without looking up, the gorilla says, “You mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?”

    The lion gasps, “Oh my god! It’s in the paper already?!”

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  • Curious Minds in the Park

    A boy and his father are walking in the park.

    The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”

    Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”

    This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.

    Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.

    The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”

    The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”

    And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”

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  • Pirates, Prison, and a Booty Call!

    In 2010, a group of pirates buried their treasure and, earlier this year, tried to recover it. They tried everything—bloodhounds, radar, metal detectors, sonar—but they couldn’t find their treasure.

    One day, one of the pirates had a suggestion.

    “Captain, we should break R. Kelly out of prison.”

    The captain said, “This is the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard, but go ahead. Why?”

    “Captain, if anybody can find 15-year-old booty, it’s this guy!”

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  • Gorilla’s Night Out: A Barroom Surprise!

    A guy walks into a bar…

    He orders a drink and then notices there’s a huge silverback gorilla chained up at the end of the bar, just sitting there and staring at the bartender. Confused, the guy surveys his surroundings, but everyone at the bar is just chatting away and acting normal.

    He nervously downs his drink and orders another. After finishing his second drink, he summons the courage to ask about the gorilla.

    The bartender says, “Watch this.”

    Then the bartender grabs a 2×4 from under the bar and whacks the gorilla over the head with all his might. The gorilla drops to its knees, unzips the bartender’s fly, and starts sucking his dick.

    The bartender turns to the guy and says, “This is awesome. You gotta try it.”

    The guy says, “Sure, but you don’t have to hit me so hard.”

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