“I didn’t have to use my AK, today was a good day.” Honestly, a perfectly scalable life satisfaction metric.
Format: screenshot
Screenshot comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Jeopardy: Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Category: BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS. Contestant shrugs, commits to the bit, walks away $8,800 richer and forever remembered.
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The Greatest Headline of Our Generation
A Tumblr hall-of-famer: suicidal trip to Mexico pivots hard into a week-long coke and hookers bender, and the patient decides life might be worth sticking around for after all. Poetry.
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Chunky Peanut Butter
David Veltri @Veltrida
i don’t wanna be rude, but i’ve gathered enough info in my life to know that people who like chunky peanut butter like to be choked during sex
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Clutches Her Purse
Instagram: S.grate @sgrate_
The most offensive thing as a black man is when you walkin down the street and a old white woman clutches her purse… bitch really think she stronger than me
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Miley Cyrus Home Depot
mikerocks182 1 week ago
When Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music.” When I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot.”
Reply · 42
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Social Distancing Dad
My dad must be really be taking this social distancing shit seriously, I haven’t seen him in 23 years
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Put Some Xs
See you later, love you xxx
Love you too
Babe it would mean a lot to me if you’d put some X’s at the end of your replies xxx
Ok, love you too Donna, Jackie, Karen and Becky
Fuckin prick!!!
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Piano Man Gay Bar
notquitesoancient: you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life
mooncustafer: New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.
skeleton-richard: #that makes the ‘man what are you doing here’ line way funnier
