res judicatie @cat_i_e
got my ancestry dot com results
TRADER JOE’S
Cracker Assortment
FOUR INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED VARIETIES
Format: screenshot
Screenshot comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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My Fish Is Very Dry – We Had to Take Him Out of the Water – Smart
john @mrjohndarby
me: my fish is very dry
waiter: yes, we had to take him out of the water
me: smart
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Shark vs Me in a Triathlon – It Would All Come Down to Who Is the Better Cyclist
Emma Manzini @EmmaManzini
A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
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Jesus Breakdancing to Impress His Friends, AD20 (Colourised)
Daniel @DannyDutch
Jesus breakdancing to impress his friends, AD20 (Colourised)
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So Dracula Won’t Try to Eat My Ass – Garlic in My Pants
m@thew @TweetPotato314
wife: why r u putting garlic in ur pants
me: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass
wife: why would dracula try to eat ur ass
me: he won’t. the garlic- r u even listening
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HR Says I’m No Longer Allowed to Answer the Phone With For Fuck Sake What Now
MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
HR says I’m no longer allowed to answer the phone with “for fuck sake, what now”
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Gotta Get Wisdom Teeth Out – Why? Gotta Make Room for More Dicks?
siouxchiefsouschef @legitwidget
overheard one kid at the Mall of America tell his friends he had to get his wisdom teeth out and his friend says “why? gotta make room for more dicks?” and wow insults have really come a long way since I was a kid
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Time for a Reality Check – Would Not Recommend
paul bassett davies @thewritertype
Ok, it’s time for a reality check.
*checks reality*
Holy shit. Would not recommend.
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Donald Trump – Happy Women’s Day, Send Nudes
Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump
Happy women’s day. Send nudes.
3/8/17, 10:50 AM
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Luck Be in the Air Tonight – I Definitely Guessed That Answer Horribly Wrong
annabellehector: luck be in the air tonight
tinylesbianarms: well I definitely guessed that answer horribly wrong.
