Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Confessions After the Ceremony

    A man and a woman meet in a bar, fall madly in love, and decide to get married a week later.

    After the ceremony, the man looks to his new bride, and says, “I have a confession to make. I am completely obsessed with golf. I eat, sleep, and breathe the game, it’s my obsession, and I hope you won’t hate me for it.”

    The woman looks at her new husband and says, “Honey, I could never hate you. But, I also have a confession to make. I’m a hooker, and hope you won’t hate me for it, either.”

    The man gets a rather tortured look on his face, rubs his chin, and after a few long moments says, “Ok, well, show me your stance.”

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  • My First Day as a Cab Driver

    A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question…

    The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.

    For a second, everything was quiet in the cab.

    Then the driver said, “Look, mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the living daylights out of me!”

    The passenger apologised and said, “I didn’t realise that a little tap would scare you so much.”

    The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver — I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

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  • Watching Football With My Son-In-Law

    As a woman passed her daughter’s closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a “toy.”

    Shocked, she asked, “What in the world are you doing?”

    The daughter replied, “Mom, I’m thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

    The next day, the girl’s father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter with her “toy.”

    To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, “Dad, I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.”

    A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The “toy” was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

    The wife asked, “What the hell are you doing?”

    The husband replied, “I’m watching football with my son-in-law.”

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  • The Penfish Is Even Mightier

    The swordfish has no natural predators to fear from…

    …except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

  • Sherlock Holmes and the Stolen Tent

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip in the American countryside. After a hearty meal and a bottle of wine, they settled in for the night.

    A few hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged his friend, “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

    Watson gazed upward and said, “I see millions of stars.”

    Holmes asked, “And what does that tell you?”

    Watson thought for a moment and said, “Astronomically, it tells me there are countless galaxies and planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in Leo. Time-wise, I’d say it’s about a quarter past three. Theologically, it shows that God is all-powerful and we are small. And weather-wise, I’d expect a beautiful day tomorrow.”

    Holmes paused briefly, then shook his head.

    “Watson, you fool… it means that someone has stolen our tent.”

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  • The Man at the Door With a Bloodied Towel

    A woman answered the doorbell and a man was standing there with something wrapped in a bloodied towel.

    The man said, “I’m terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat.”

    The woman burst into tears.

    The man tried to comfort her by saying, “I’d like to replace it.”

    The woman wiped her eyes and said, “Really? How are you at catching mice?”

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  • At Least 8 Characters and One Capital

    During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon

    When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

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  • You Were Starting to Sound Like My Ex-Wife

    Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

    One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

    After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey, I’ve just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it’s time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.”

    Tom got a horrified look on his face.

    She said, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

    He replied, “There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

    “Ex-wife!” she screamed, “YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

    Tom replied, “I wasn’t.”

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  • Take on an Empty Stomach

    Doctor: “Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed you last month?”

    Me: “It says to take on an empty stomach, so no, I haven’t had the chance.”

  • The Siberian Coal Miner and the Wheelbarrow

    Back in Soviet Russia there was a man working in a Siberian coal mine.

    Every Friday he would take a wheelbarrow full of dirt home and the security guard would stop him, make him dump out the dirt and sift through it searching for coal or other stolen valuables.

    The security guard never found anything so he’d let the man reload the dirt and go home.

    This went on for 25 years until the man was finally allowed to retire.

    On his last day the security guard said, “I know you’ve been smuggling something out of here all of these years. Please, just tell me what it was.”

    The man replied with a sly wink, “Wheelbarrows.”

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