As I watched my two-year-old drag his naked bottom across the carpet, I realized that perhaps I overestimated the transferability of the toilet-training skills I had initially honed with our puppies.
Format: short form
Short form comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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When Hunger Beats Romance Every Single Time
I was just visiting some friends who have a real working farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend’s wife came out to feed them.
The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I stood there thinking to myself, “Damn ! I hope I never get that hungry.”
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Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti
I cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man who had no feet. And then no hands. And then no head. And then I ate his tasty liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
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His Parking Space
I’d imagine that one thing worse than finding out Osama Bin Laden is still alive would be him coming back to work to find that you’ve been using his parking space all this time.
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Future Racecar Driver
The way my four-year-old really gets into steering when we’re in the car makes me think he might grow up to be a professional racecar driver. And to think I originally just needed him to sit in my lap and take the wheel while I reached back for another beer.
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The Eggnog Alibi
I miss the holidays. It’s the only time of year when you can get away with telling people that the stain on your dress is really eggnog.
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Stationery Bike
To get into better shape, I treated myself to a new piece of exercise equipment. It looks real pretty with my name and address on it, but the paper cuts are killing me. I guess I should have done more research before getting a stationery bike.
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Glass Houses
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes.
