“GIVE ME MORE BALLS!” -me, playing this Arkanoid game
Format: text
Text comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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45 Cents
A daughter calls her mother & says “I’m divorcing Nathan. All he wants is 6ex, 6ex and more 6ex. My v@gina is now the size of a 50-cent piece, when it used to be the size of a 5-cent piece.”
Her mother says: “You’re married to a multi-millionaire businessman! You live in an 8-bedroom mansion! You drive a $250,000 Ferrari! You get $2,000 a week allowance! You take 6 vacations a year! … and, You want to throw all that away over 45 cents?”
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Killing It on Harmonica
me: [absolutely killing it on harmonica]
taco bell cashier: are you gonna order
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Indestructible Walls Kool-Aid
fishy @fishbowel
Me: I love my new indestructible walls I just wish I had some kool-aid
*audible thud outside house*
Me: what was that
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A Very COVID Christmas
The Alex Nevil @TheAlexNevil
Looking forward to Hallmark’s holiday offering “A Very COVID Christmas,” when a big city lawyer and a country candle maker accidentally meet when they go to the wrong zoom meeting.
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Betty White So Old
Renowned Philanthropist @SortaBad
Betty White is so old she starred on a 7-season TV show about being old that went off the air before most of you were born
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Mothers Day Lowest Crime
Fin @gofinurself
My mom is a prosecutor and every year she brings up the fact that Mother’s Day is the day with the lowest crime. I think that says a lot about how many moms commit crimes throughout the year, but can’t today because they’re too busy being celebrated.
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It Must Have Gotten Married
Her: That thing is broken, it has stopped sucking.
Him: It must have gotten married.
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Abortion Is a Difficult Topic
What is your opinion on abortion?
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On the one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
