Last week I took the kids to a children’s zoo.
Last night they escaped and came back home.
Format: written
Written comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Tough Shit
A constipated man goes to the pharmacy for laxatives.
Man: “One box of laxatives, please?”
Pharmacist: “I’m sorry. We’re all out of stock.”
Man: “What, again?! How does this keep happening?! I’m desperate for some relief!”
Pharmacist: “Well, that’s tough shit, I’m afraid.”
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My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually
My Asian girlfriend made us dinner last night, eventually followed by passionate lovemaking. Nevertheless, I awakened abruptly only an hour later, with an unsatisfied hunger. Was it the twice cooked pork, or the twice porked cook that I was craving?
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When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too
When the realtor told me the house was haunted, I wasn’t too worried. Either any residual spirits would be gone within the week, or they’d be into watching a guy whack off to chubby-chick porn six times a day, in which case they’re my kind of ghosts.
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Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you
Today’s lesson: “Right” versus “correct” Wife: “What are you thinking about right now?” RIGHT answer: “Not much. just how much I love you.” CORRECT answer: “How much I love you giving it to Taylor Swift with a Hello Kitty strap-on in a kiddie pool full of tapioca pudding in my fantasies.”
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I’m really pissed off. I picked up a guy from Craigslist, got
I’m really pissed off. I picked up a guy from Craigslist, got off, and dropped him at the bus stop after giving him $2 — and he never gave me back my change!
