Joke Type: absurdist

Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Do You Want Porn with That

    When is McDonald’s going to realize they’d get much bigger sales with, “Do you want porn with that?”

  • Stop Biting Our Cheeks by 66

    It takes 10,000 hours to become an expert at something and we chew food for an average of 25 minutes per day. Using that logic, we will stop biting our cheeks by the age of 66.

  • Medicinal Prostitute

    Medicinal Prostitute

    Me: It’s Medicinal

    Cop: first of all… that’s a prostitute

  • Penguin Covered in Mustard

    Penguins are funny. Mustard is funny. But do you think a penguin covered in mustard would be funny? I don’t know, but it might help if he were wearing a bib, ’cause bibs are funny.

  • Lemons Painted Like Hand Grenades

    When life gives you lemons, paint them up like hand grenades and hijack a plane to Cuba.

  • Devil Chef Celery

    Devil Chef Celery

    For our patrons!

    A Devil Chef Health Tip!

    Enjoy Celery

    Nature’s Toothbrush For Your Colon!

    Fiber Rich!

    Packed with Vitamins!

    Ribbed for Xtra Pleasure!

    Ooh LaLa!

  • His Parking Space

    I’d imagine that one thing worse than finding out Osama Bin Laden is still alive would be him coming back to work to find that you’ve been using his parking space all this time.

  • Disable Flash

    Disable Flash

    When you press “disable flash” on your camera

  • Folgers Crystals for the Blood Bank

    I’ve been saving up all my picked-off scabs in little bags, just in case the local blood bank needs some Folgers crystals.

  • Zodiac Dinosaur

    Zodiac Dinosaur

    SO… WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?

    DINOSAUR

    BUT THAT ONE DOESN’T EVEN EXIST

    NONE OF THEM EXIST