Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation. When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, “Honey, my hands are freezing!”
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash ChaosJoke Type: anecdotal
Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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You’ll Get Used to It
My wife and I went to Subway for lunch. She ordered us a footlong to split. I told her 6″ wasn’t enough.
She replied, “You’ll get used to it!”
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How About Now
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
I replied, “No.”
She responded, “How about now?”
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The Irishman and the Ten Pint Bet
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers! I’ll put down $500 to anyone who can drink 10 pints back-to-back!”
The entire pub goes silent. Nobody moves.
Then one Irishman quietly stands up and walks straight out the door.
About 30 minutes later, he returns, taps the Texan on the shoulder, and asks, “That bet still good?”
“Sure is!” the Texan says.
The bartender lines up ten pints — full glasses from one end of the bar to the other.
Without a blink, the Irishman downs all 10 pints in a row and slams the last one down like a champion.
The bar erupts with cheers. The Texan pays the $500 — totally stunned.
He asks, “If you don’t mind me askin’, where’d you run off to for that half hour?”
The Irishman grins, “Oh, I just popped down to the pub around the corner to see if I could do it first.”
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Only 40,000 Miles Now
A woman wanted to sell her car but couldn’t find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked how many miles were on the car.
“235,000,” she said.
Her friend told her that was the problem but said her brother was a mechanic who could roll the mileage back to whatever she wanted.
So the woman went to the mechanic and told him to set it to 40,000.
Two days later, her friend asked if she had sold the car now that the mileage had been lowered.
The woman replied, “Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it now!”
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Started to See a Little
I said to my wife, “I want to marry another woman.” Just to see her reaction.
On the first day, I saw nothing. Then on the second day, I still saw nothing. On the third day, I started to see a little with my left eye.
