Little Johnny was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store.
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Unleash ChaosJoke Type: anecdotal
Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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The Hamster and the Singing Frog
A mangy-lookin’ guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”
The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”
The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risque.”
“Deal!” says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin songs. And the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
“Money or another miracle, else no drink,” says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvellous voice and great pitch — a fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog. The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it.
The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut?! You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!”
“Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist!”
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Such a Small Organ
In bed with a priest, a nun said, “Father, I never expected you’d have such a small organ.”
He replied, “Why, Sister… I never expected to be playing in such a large cathedral.”
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She Never Listened to Me
I had to break up with my deaf girlfriend.
She never listened to me.
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The Man Who Cracked Walnuts with His Penis
A traveling circus came to town, and a man decided to go see it. There were animals, clowns, jugglers — lots of impressive acts. But the most impressive performer was a man who could crack walnuts with his penis.
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The Dress in Church and on the Subway
A guy walks into a bar with a black eye. They ask what happened. He says, “Well, I was in church and we all stood up to sing. There was a big woman in front of me and I couldn’t help but notice that her dress didn’t fall properly, as some of it was bunched up in her butt area. I tried to look away, but I just couldn’t, so I reached forward, gave the dress a little tug, and it improved. But she immediately turned around and punched me in the eye!”
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