Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
So the boss gets a hot new secretary, and almost immediately they start having an affair. However, within a few weeks, he is feeling displeased at the way she is performing at work: coming to work late, ignoring phone calls, and so on.
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch when the husband looks over and says, “Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?”
The wife thinks about it and says, “Well, we have a beautiful house, and I don’t want to be alone, so… yes, I probably would.”
The husband looks a bit hurt. “Would you let him live in our house?”
“It’s a great house, and it’s paid off, so yes, we’d live here.”
“Would he sleep in our bed?”
“It’s a brand-new mattress, so yes, he probably would.”
“Would he use my golf clubs?”
“Oh, absolutely not,” the wife snaps. “He’s left-handed.”
A husband and wife were celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary at a fancy restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny fairy appeared on their table.
“Because you’ve been such a loving couple for 30 years,” she said, “I will grant each of you one wish.”
The wife went first.
“I wish for a romantic, all-expenses-paid cruise around the world with my wonderful husband.”
Poof!
Two first-class cruise tickets appeared in her hand.
Then it was the husband’s turn.
He thought for a moment, looked at his wife, and said,
“This is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only comes once in a lifetime. I’m sorry, dear, but I wish for a wife who is 30 years younger than me.”
The wife was furious, but a wish is a wish.
The fairy waved her wand.
Poof!
Instantly, the husband turned 90 years old.
