Two nuns are riding their bicycles through the village when suddenly a vampire jumps out from behind a bush.
The first nun screams to her friend, “Quick, show it your cross!”
“Get the fuck out of the way!” she yells.
Joke Type: anecdotal
Anecdotal jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Curious Minds in the Park
A boy and his father are walking in the park.
The boy sees a male dog mounting a female dog. He asks his dad, “Dad, what are they doing?”
Dad thinks for a second and says, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.”
This satisfies the boy’s curiosity, and they finish their walk.
Later that night, the boy gets up for a drink of water. He passes his parents’ room, and they’ve carelessly left the door ajar. They’re face-to-face in the throes of passion.
The little boy asks, “Dad, what are you and Mommy doing?”
The startled dad hesitates for a second, looks up, and says, “Well, son, we’re making you a baby brother.”
And the kid says, “Well then, can you turn Mommy over? I’d rather have a puppy.”
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Well, that didn’t work
My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…
I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.
She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.
After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”
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Legendary Size: Mr. Rutledge’s Final Surprise!
Old Mr. Rutledge died peacefully in his sleep and was taken to the morgue.
While fixing him up for the funeral, the mortician naturally got a look at the old dead man naked.
He was so awestruck at the size of Rutledge’s penis that he called his assistant in.
“Wow, good on you, Mr. Rutledge! That thing’s gotta be the size of a baseball bat!” the assistant commented.
Later that night, the mortician commented to his wife, “I worked on the body of an old man today. I swear what he was packing was the size of a baseball bat!”
His wife’s eyes widened and she said, “Mr. Rutledge died?”
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Biden’s Barn Blues: A Night Out
Biden, Obama, and Trump get lost in the woods one night.
They come across an old farm and knock on the door to ask if they can get shelter there overnight.
The farmer answers the door and says yes, but he only has room in his house for two guests, so one of the guys will have to sleep in the barn.
Biden offers to sleep in the barn, and everyone turns in for the night. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door. It was Biden standing there. Biden says, “I didn’t realize horses were in there. I’m allergic.”
So the farmer lets Biden in and sends Obama to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on his door. It was Obama standing there. He said, “I can’t sleep out there. The smell from the pigs is making me nauseous.”
So the farmer lets Obama in and sends Trump out to the barn instead. A couple minutes later, the farmer hears KNOCK KNOCK on the door.
It was the horse and the pigs standing there.
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Farting in the Fast Lane!
A woman walks into a car dealership to browse around, not really planning to buy anything. In the showroom, she sees a beautiful convertible with a leather interior. She reaches down to touch the seat and accidentally lets a fart go.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.Unleash Chaos -
A legend in his own thyme
My great-uncle Herb was a renowned gardener.
He was a legend in his own thyme.
