Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
My wife and I were discussing our eventual deaths…
I said my worst fear was dying alone, and that I wanted the last thing I hear to be her telling me she loves me.
She gave me a big hug, said, “I love you,” and then waited.
After a couple of seconds, she shook her head and said, “Well, that didn’t work.”
Do not buy a Dyson Ball Vacuum.
Its name is deceiving. Don’t ask how I know.
How do terrorists feed their children?
“Here comes the airplane.”
“Here comes the second one.”
A patrol car is sitting on the side of the highway when a car speeds past at an alarming rate.
The patrol car takes off in pursuit, comes up beside the car, and looks across at the blonde driving. He notices she is knitting.
The cop turns on his lights and siren, and the blonde continues to knit, oblivious to her surroundings.
The cop winds down his window and uses a bullhorn to get the blonde’s attention, yelling, “Pull over!”
The blonde looks across at the cop, takes a second to answer, and finally says, “No! It’s a scarf!”
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
She turned around and gave me a big hug.
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.
If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
It can cost you an arm and a leg.
Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today.
Don’t worry, it was a draft—he was able to dodge it.
I got a refrigerator for my wife today.
It was a good trade.
