Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Knitting While Speeding: A Hair-Raising Chase!

    A patrol car is sitting on the side of the highway when a car speeds past at an alarming rate.

    The patrol car takes off in pursuit, comes up beside the car, and looks across at the blonde driving. He notices she is knitting.

    The cop turns on his lights and siren, and the blonde continues to knit, oblivious to her surroundings.

    The cop winds down his window and uses a bullhorn to get the blonde’s attention, yelling, “Pull over!”

    The blonde looks across at the cop, takes a second to answer, and finally says, “No! It’s a scarf!”

  • She gave me a big hug

    I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.
    She turned around and gave me a big hug.

  • He’s a web designer

    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.
    We had a few drinks. Turns out he’s a web designer.

  • An arm and a leg

    If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, try swimming with sharks.
    It can cost you an arm and a leg.

  • It was a draft

    Somebody threw a beer at Donald Trump today.
    Don’t worry, it was a draft—he was able to dodge it.

  • It was a good trade

    I got a refrigerator for my wife today.
    It was a good trade.

  • She spit it out

    I gave my wife an orgasm yesterday…
    …but she spit it out.

  • Pump number 5

    I got robbed today and called the police.
    The cop asked if I had a description of the assailant.
    I said, “Yeah, it’s pump number 5.”

  • Farting in the Fast Lane!

    A woman walks into a car dealership to browse around, not really planning to buy anything. In the showroom, she sees a beautiful convertible with a leather interior. She reaches down to touch the seat and accidentally lets a fart go.

    To her terror, she looks up and sees a salesman heading her way. Hoping he didn’t hear her, she plays it cool and says, “Excuse me, how much is this car? I’m thinking of purchasing it for my husband.”

    The salesman says, “Lady, if you farted from touching the leather, you’re gonna shit when you hear the price.”

  • Finding Happiness After Twenty Years Together

    My husband and I were happy for 20 years.
    And then we met.