Joke Type: dark humor

Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Superman, You’re a Real Asshole When You’ve Been Drinking

    On the 110th floor of the Empire State Building, there’s a bar. It has windows all around the floor so you can see everywhere. A guy walks into the bar one day and notices another guy sitting down at the end of the bar. The barkeeper hands the guy a big bubbling, gurgling, fizzy green drink. The guy drinks it down in a single gulp, looks over at everyone and says, “You know, the wind currents are so strong up here you can just hop out and fly around.”

    Another guy at the bar looks at him and says, “No way, you’re so full of shit!”

    So the man walks over to the window, opens it, then hops out. He flies around the entire building a couple times, then comes back in, closes the window, and sits back down at the bar.

    The other guy says, “Damn, that must be a helluva drink.” So he orders one. The barkeeper hands him the same drink the other guy had, and he downs it in a single gulp. Then he walks over to the window, opens it, looks back at the other guy that did it and says, “Yeah man, I don’t know about this.”

    The guy that did it already looks him in the eyes and tells him, “Don’t be a pussy!”

    So he steps outside and falls 110 stories to his death. The barkeeper turns to the guy and says, “Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’ve been drinking.”

  • Granny Watching You Squirt

    Granny Watching You Squirt

    Your granny watching you squirt all over the blanket she knitted

  • Choose a Major You Love

    Choose a Major You Love

    @bratgirlcore

    choose a major you love and you’ll never work a day in your life bc that field isn’t hiring

  • So Many Fucking Idiots

    So Many Fucking Idiots

    Salesman: *slaps USA* you can fit so many fucking idiots in this bad boy

  • After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my

    After months and months of begging, I finally got to see my long-distance girlfriend’s amazing naked body via webcam today. Now I just pray she doesn’t find the hidden camera.

  • When your girlfriend has a sore throat, it’s probably not a good

    When your girlfriend has a sore throat, it’s probably not a good idea to offer your manhood as a soothing lozenge. Not so much because it’s inconsiderate, but because the prospect of catching strep-penis sounds quite unpleasant.

  • Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed

    Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.

  • So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great

    So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great aunt “accidentally” touched your junk when you were pity-dancing with her at the wedding reception, or that you cut off your johnson with a plastic knife in the reception hall’s bathroom in order to make sure such a nightmarish vignette never plays out again?

  • She loves me… She loves me not… She loves me… She loves me

    She loves me… She loves me not… She loves me… She loves me not… Hell, as long as she keeps putting out and doesn’t divorce me, what fucking difference does it make?!

  • Isn’t it funny that the grandmother in “Little Red Riding Hood”

    Isn’t it funny that the grandmother in “Little Red Riding Hood” was upset about being eaten by the wolf? There are people who strategically place peanut butter on their genitalia to try to entice the same effect out of household pets. Just sayin’.