Have you seen that potato peeler thing?
She left you two days ago.
Joke Type: dialogue
Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I’m Telling EVERYBODY!
A man walks into a confessional.
“Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I am 75 years old, and I’ve recently started dating a 25-year-old woman. She’s drop dead gorgeous, loves sex, and is unbelievable in bed. We have sex at least three or four times a day, and each time, I make her scream like a banshee.”
“Oh my! This is indeed a sin. As penance, you must say five Hail Marys and five Our Fathers every day for the next week.”
“What? I can’t do that, I’m Jewish!”
“You’re Jewish? Then why are you telling ME?”
“I’m telling EVERYBODY!”
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What’s the Bread For?
An Irishman stops by the market and picks up two cases of Guinness, a quart of scotch and a loaf of bread.
When he gets home he carries the purchases into the kitchen and puts them on the counter. His wife sees this and says, “So… are we havin’ a party?”
The Irishman says, “No.”
And his wife says, “Then what’s the bread for?”
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Alakazam Let Me Slam
Me: wanna fuck? 👀
Her: Why do u have to say it like that? Its supposed to be a magical moment
Me: Alakazam let me slam
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White Person Spicy Salad
White person: Wow this sure is spicy!
Me: It’s a salad
White person: The sauce is burning me up
Me: …the ranch?
White Person: Ow ouch ouch
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Spice Things Up Bedroom
I want to spice things up.
But you know that I’m allergic to chilli.
I mean in the bedroom.
I can’t eat them anywhere in the house, Alice.
