Joke Type: dialogue

Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • That Was a Close One

    That Was a Close One

    So where were you last night?

    I sure as hell wasn’t having sex with little children!

    that was a close one…

  • Pepper

    A woman is waiting in line at a grocery store. The woman in front of her keeps sneezing and letting out a loud moan after each one. Woman #1 asks her if she’s okay. Woman #2 says, “I have this condition — every time I sneeze, I have an intense orgasm.”

    Woman #1 asks if she takes anything for it…

    Woman #2 sneezes again and moans out the word, “PEPPER!”

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  • It’s Usually the Mother, Not the Father

    My wife was in labor when the nurse said it was time to push.

    She gave it everything she had until a fart, which from the sound and stench had obviously followed through, escaped.

    She was mortified.

    “Don’t worry,” I said, patting her head. “I’ve heard this kind of thing is perfectly natural during birth. Isn’t that right, nurse?”

    “Yes,” said the nurse, gagging, “but it’s usually the mother, not the father!”

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  • Rose, What Was the Name of the Restaurant?

    Two older gentlemen are chatting after dinner while their wives are in the kitchen.

    “We had a lovely meal at that new restaurant in town the other night,” said one to the other.

    “That’s nice,” said his friend. “What was the name of the restaurant?”

    “Oh, what’s the name of the lovely scented flower that grows on a thorny plant?”

    “Rose?” replied the friend.

    “That’s it.” Then, turning toward the kitchen, the gentleman called out, “Rose, what was the name of the restaurant the other night?”

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  • The Vegas Prostitute

    A man is walking the Las Vegas strip and runs into the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He starts talking to her, and to his luck, he finds out she is a prostitute. So he asks her,

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “How much for a hand job?”

    “$5,000,” she replies.

    “$5,000?? You must be nuts, no way.”

    “Walk with me,” she replies. He agrees and they walk for a moment, ending up in front of a restaurant. “You see this restaurant? I own this restaurant because men pay me $5,000 for hand jobs.”

    He ponders for a moment. “Damn, they must be pretty good then. Alright.” He brings her back to his hotel room, gets the hand job, and as advertised — it is the best hand job he has ever had. After he finishes, he realizes how perfect she is and asks, “Okay, that was awesome. How much for a blow job?”

    “$15,000,” she replies.

    “$15,000?!? You are out of your mind. No way!” he shouts.

    “Come to the window.” They walk to the window and she begins to point. “You see those three casinos? I own those casinos because men pay me $15,000 for blow jobs.”

    “Fine, how can I say no?”

    Once again, it is the best blow job of his life. He is writhing in ecstasy after finishing, and practically in love with this woman. “Okay, I am gonna regret this. How much for the pussy?”

    “Come to the window.” He follows her to the window, ready for anything. “Do you see all of Las Vegas?” she asks.

    “No way! You own all of Las Vegas?!” he exclaims, astounded.

    “No…” she looks down. “But I would if I had a pussy…”

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  • Stress Relief

    Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blowjob would help.

    She asked me where I was going to find a dick to suck at this time of night.

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  • Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Who’s the Bald Woman?

    Her: I didn’t find any hair in your car

    Me: Okay .. so?

    Her: Soo who’s the bald woman?

  • Do You Serve Crackers?

    Do You Serve Crackers?

    “Ma’am, do you serve crackers?”

    “Honey, we serve errybody”

  • Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That

    Fuck Trump Doesn’t Mean That

    EVERYBODY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME

    DONALD THATS NOT WHAT “FUCK TRUMP” MEANS

  • Are You Calling Me a Lyre

    Are You Calling Me a Lyre

    Are You Calling Me a Lyre