Joke Type: dialogue

Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Looking to Purchase a Kitten Under – Must Be in Mint Condition

    Looking to Purchase a Kitten Under – Must Be in Mint Condition

    Looking to purchase a kitten under 10$. Must be in mint condition

    I have a black baby

    Looking for a kitten but thanks

    Lol it is a kitten

  • So Fred, You’re 97! What’s Your Secret?

    So Fred, You’re 97! What’s Your Secret?

    Reporter: So Fred, you’re 97! What’s your secret?

    Fred: I sucked a cock for a watch once.

    Reporter: I meant secret of your longevity.

    Fred: Oh! Fruits and vegetables.

  • I Found the TV Remote

    I Found the TV Remote

    OH MY! YOU HAVEN’T TOUCHED AND CARESSED ME LIKE THAT IN YEARS! WHY DID YOU STOP?

    I FOUND THE TV REMOTE…

  • Watching the Lion King – Better Get the Tissues Ready

    Watching the Lion King – Better Get the Tissues Ready

    [watching the Lion King]

    ME: I’ve never seen this before.

    WIFE: Oh dear, better get the tissues ready.

    ME: I hardly think I’m going to jack off to a bunch of lions Karen.

  • Honey the Vacuum Isn’t Sucking

    Honey the Vacuum Isn’t Sucking

    Wife: honey the vacuum isn’t sucking

    Husband: frustrating isn’t it

  • You Seen My Cat Lately Ling?

    You Seen My Cat Lately Ling?

    Him: You seen my cat lately Ling?

    Her: Nope, you seen your dad lately Jamal?

  • The Meter Man

    There was a knock at the door earlier. When I answered it, there was a little man standing on the step.

    I said, “You’re not very tall, are you?”

    “I’m 3′3″,” he said.

    When I asked him what he wanted, he said, “I’m the meter man.”

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  • I Am Here to Ask For Your Daughters Hand

    I Am Here to Ask For Your Daughters Hand

    Me: “I am here to ask for your daughters hand”

    Her dad: why?

    Me: “cause I’m tired of using mine”

  • What Are You Doing Father

    What Are You Doing Father

    “What are you doing father?”

    “It’s called masturbating, you’ll be doing this soon”

    “Why father?”

    “Because my wrist is killing me!”

  • The Old Man and the Prostitute

    A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hadn’t had a customer in a while, so she whistles at him and says, “Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The old man said, “But I won’t be able to…”

    Prostitute: “C’mon man… give it a try…”

    Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he’s done, the prostitute, all exhausted and tired, says, “But you said you won’t be able to…”

    “…pay you,” replied the old man.

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