Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Salesman to boy answering the door… “Hi, is your mother in?”
“Yes,” said the boy, “she’s out in the back yard screwing the goat.”
“I don’t believe it,” said the salesman.
The boy says: “Come and see for yourself.”
So the salesman looked in the back yard, and sure enough, there was the goat screwing the mother.
The salesman said to the boy, “Isn’t she afraid she’ll get pregnant?”
The boy says… “N-a-a-a-a-a-a-“
Little Jenny came home from school one day and she ran straight to the bathroom and started to cry. Her mother, concerned about her went in and asked what was wrong.
“Well,” replied Jenny, “we just learned in health class that the baby comes out where the boy’s penis goes in. Is that true?”
“Sure honey, but that’s nothing to cry about,” said her mother.
Then Jenny replied, “But when I have Johnny’s baby, I’m afraid it’ll knock out a few of my teeth!”
The newlyweds were suffering from exhaustion and after an examination, their doctor advised, “It’s not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an “R” in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.”
Since the end of the week was approaching the newlyweds had no immediate difficulty following the medico’s orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest the young bride found herself eager as a beaver.
Hubby fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged her spouse into partial wakefulness.
Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, “What day is it honey?”
She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, “Mondray.”
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her pet cat lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could. “I’m afraid Tiddles is dead Lucy”.
“So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that Daddy?” asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied, “Tiddles’ legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven”.
Little Lucy seemed to take her cats death quite well. However two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: “Mummy almost died this morning”.
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, “How do you mean Lucy?”
“Well”, mumbled Lucy, “soon after you left for work this morning I saw mummy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting “Oh Jesus!!! I’m coming, I’m coming!!!” and if it hadn’t been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy”.
A young boy asked his mother, “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?”
“Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother.
The young boy answered “The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off his secretary.”
A woman gets her vibrator stuck inside her. She goes to the doctor to remove it and the Dr. says “it’s too far up there, I can’t reach it enough to pull it out”.
The woman then replies “if you can’t get it out, can you at least reach it well enough to change the batteries?”
“Doctors and Nurses”
A woman brings ten-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her ten-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Never mind sex” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”
