Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Jesus Christ! Are You Here Again?

    A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar. A stranger comes by and asks him if he’s all right.

    The drunk replies by asking, “Do you know who I am?”

    The stranger says, “No. Who are you?”

    The drunk proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ… and I can prove it! Come with me!”

    They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells, “Jesus Christ! Are you here again?”

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  • It Must Be an Inside Job

    A man sitting in the bar found that the front of his trousers was all wet. Turning to the man on his right, he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”

    “Nope,” came the reply.

    Then, turning to the man on his left, he asked, “Did you pour beer on my trousers?”

    The man also replied, “Nope.”

    “Then it must be an inside job,” he murmured.

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  • I Got in the Back Seat by Mistake

    A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator,” he cried out.

    However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line.

    “Never mind,” he said with a hiccup. “I got in the back seat by mistake.”

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  • Pastor Fuzz

    The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman. “Mrs. Fitzgerald,” the reverend said sternly. “This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?”

    “Shure,” she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

    When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

    The bartender looked over the bar and said, “Here, here, buddy, we won’t have any of that carrying on in this bar.”

    The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, “But you don’t understand, I’m Pastor Fuzz.”

    The bartender nodded. “Well, if you’re that far you may as well finish.”

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  • Got a Dog Named Chunks

    A guy comes into work one morning and tells his buddy, “Boy, I feel like shit today.”

    Buddy says, “What’s wrong?”

    Guy says, “Got drunk last night, went home and blew chunks.”

    Buddy says, “Nothing wrong with that.”

    Guy says, “Yes there is… Got a dog named Chunks.”

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  • You’re Sitting on the Mop Bucket

    A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the restroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

    “What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!”

    “I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”

    With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, “You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”

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  • Are You Sure This Is Where He Fell In

    A drunk stumbles into a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He walks down into the water and stands next to the preacher.

    The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, “Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?”

    The drunk replies, “Yesh, Your Honor, I shur am!”

    The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” he asked.

    “Nooo, Your Highness, I shur dint!” says the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found Jesus?”

    “Noooo, Your Majesty, I shur dint!” the drunk slurs again.

    Disgusted, the preacher holds the man under for at least thirty seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, “My good man, have you found Jesus YET?”

    The drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”

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  • So How Many Does It Take

    Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a “good time.”

    “Look,” says the woman, “what do you think I am? I don’t turn into a slut after three drinks, you know!”

    “OK,” replies Joe, “so how many does it take?”

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  • Your Tit Is Hanging in the Ashtray

    A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, “Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drank in one gulp.

    “Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy.” Again, the bartender brought her a Martini.

    By this time the lady was leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”

    Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, “Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn — your tit is hanging in the ashtray.”

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  • Eats That Many Trains

    My personal trainer said he eats five big meals and trains six days a week.

    I have no idea how he eats that many trains.