Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Your Tit Is Hanging in the Ashtray

    A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, “Barbender, barbender, I would like a Martoutsy.”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drank in one gulp.

    “Barbender, I would like another Martoutsy.” Again, the bartender brought her a Martini.

    By this time the lady was leaning heavily forward, barely able to hang on. She called, “Barbender, your Martoutsys are giving me heartburn.”

    Patiently, the bartender came near her and said, “Lady, I am not a barbender, but a bartender, and what you have been drinking is not a Martoutsy, but a Martini, and finally, you do not have heartburn — your tit is hanging in the ashtray.”

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  • Eats That Many Trains

    My personal trainer said he eats five big meals and trains six days a week.

    I have no idea how he eats that many trains.

  • Turn The Car On

    Turn The Car On

    (Driving test)

    Instructor: Turn the car on

    Me: Umm ok. (rubbing interior) You like that? You filthy who-

    Instructor: Ok we’re done here

  • Put Some Xs

    Put Some Xs

    See you later, love you xxx

    Love you too

    Babe it would mean a lot to me if you’d put some X’s at the end of your replies xxx

    Ok, love you too Donna, Jackie, Karen and Becky

    Fuckin prick!!!

  • Shout Out to Librarians

    I’d like to give a shout out to all of the librarians…

    …oh… oh, yeah… I’m sorry.

  • Moo Goo Gai Pan

    While lying in bed, the chef of the Chinese restaurant nudged his wife, saying, “I wouldn’t mind a little 69 right now.”

    His wife, who works as a server, turned her back, saying, “If you think I’m gonna get out of bed at this time of night to make you moo goo gai pan, you’re crazy.”

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  • Fascinate

    A teacher asks little Johnny to say a sentence using the word “fascinate.”

    Little Johnny: “My sister’s boobs are so big that when she puts on her shirt with ten buttons, she can only fasten eight.”

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  • Your Wife Is Better

    Two men visit a prostitute. The first man goes into the bedroom. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “Heck. My wife is better than that.”

    The second man goes in. He comes out ten minutes later and says, “You know what? Your wife is better.”

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  • Big Fucking Boat

    Big Fucking Boat

    God: Build a big fucking boat

    Noah: Do you mean a very large boat or a boat made for fucking.

    God: *pauses*

    God: Both

  • Dishwasher Chopping Vegetables

    Dishwasher Chopping Vegetables

    HIM: the dishwasher is acting weird

    HER: what’s it doing

    HIM: chopping fucking vegetables