Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Eating kale chips but litters

    I saw an empty package of kale chips on the ground, and now I want to know what kind of crappy hippie insists on eating kale chips but litters.

  • The Top 15 Songs of the Summer

    15. Sunburning Down the House

    14. Humidity for the Devil

    13. Sweat, Caroline

    12. In the Air Conditioning Tonight

    11. Juice Box Hero

    10. Happiness Is a Warm Sun

    9. Burn! Burn! Burn!

    8. The Fool on the Grill

    7. Gimme Swelter

    6. Bake It Off

    5. This Is What You Shaved For

    4. Tan by Your Man

    3. Smells Like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 30

    2. Rolling in the Deet

    And the number one song of the summer…

    1. Can’t Stop the Peeling

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  • Whoa, That’s Super Interesting

    Whoa, That’s Super Interesting

    Whoa, That’s Super Interesting

  • Now they have cameras everywhere

    When I was young, you could go to the grocery store with two dollars in your pocket and come out with a loaf of bread, two dozen eggs, and a pound of butter.
    Now, they have cameras everywhere.

  • The Three Stages of Marital Sex

    A young man is getting ready for his wedding with his dad’s help.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    While dressing, the dad says, “So you’re okay on the sex thing, right, son?”

    “Yeah, sure, Dad. It’s all cool.”

    The dad continues, “So you’re familiar with the three stages of marital sex, are you?”

    “The three what?! Whatever, Dad. I got it!”

    “No, really,” says the dad. “There are three stages of marital sex.”

    “Okay, Dad. I’ll bite. What’s the story?”

    The dad says, “There’s honeymoon sex, holiday sex, and hallway sex.

    Honeymoon sex is what you would expect – you and your wife can’t get enough of each other. You’re constantly going at it.

    But as life gets busy with kids, careers, and bills, the holiday sex stage takes over. You really only have time to get intimate on special occasions.

    Then, finally, you reach the stage of hallway sex.”

    “What’s that?” the son asks.

    “Well, basically, that’s when you and your wife pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘Fuck you.’”

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  • One Container for 70 Years

    One Container for 70 Years

    One Container for 70 Years

  • No, It Has to Be the Bull

    A politician was touring his rural constituency in his shiny Range Rover, press in tow, visiting farmers, showing his face, and trying to come across as a man of the people.

    He suddenly found the narrow country lane blocked by a bull being led by a small girl with a rope through its nose ring.

    As the girl tugged at the aggravated bull’s rope, the politician got out to see how he could be of assistance.

    With the press looking on, he approached the girl and asked, “Young lady, just what are you doing with such a large, dangerous animal on the public road?”

    “This old bull?” says the girl. “I’m taking him down to the neighbors’ place to service one of their cows.”

    “Shouldn’t your father be doing that?” asks the politician.

    “Oh no…” says the girl. “It has to be the bull.”

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  • You Can Start Right Away

    A campaigning politician was driving through the countryside, meeting his constituents.

    As he passed a farmhouse, he struck and killed a rooster in the road.

    He told the farmer, “Sorry, but I’ve run over your rooster.”

    Reaching for his wallet, he added, “I’d very much like to replace him, of course.”

    The farmer said, “Fine. You can start right away — the chickens are out back.”

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  • Van Gogh Used Oil

    Van Gogh Used Oil

    Van Gogh Used Oil

  • I stand corrected

    I thought physical therapy was a big scam until I finally went to one for my lower back.

    I stand corrected.