Observational Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

I haven’t found a Facebook post yet where “Sorry your kid is

I haven’t found a Facebook post yet where “Sorry your kid is such a pussy” is an acceptable comment, but I’ll keep trying.

I bet the reason the folks settled on the name “Tinder” was that

I bet the reason the folks settled on the name “Tinder” was that all the copyright attorneys got their panties twisted when they tried to use “Twatter.”

Dogs need more clothes. Everybody knows dogs love wearing

Dogs need more clothes. Everybody knows dogs love wearing clothes. Buy more fucking clothes for your dog.

Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw

Weird how people always say something bad smells like raw sewage, as if cooked sewage doesn’t smell like shit.

The theme of every fair or carnival with rides and fixed games

The theme of every fair or carnival with rides and fixed games should be “Fucking with Physics.”

You can tell how puritanical this country is by the fact that

You can tell how puritanical this country is by the fact that Hallmark doesn’t make a “Happy Felllated Birthday” card.

During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming,

During my sermon last Sunday, there was lots of screaming, shitting and masturbating. Last time I preach to monkeys at the zoo.

Dance in the School for the Blind’s talent show like nobody’s

Dance in the School for the Blind’s talent show like nobody’s watching.

I’ve championed a lot of great Twitter accounts with only a few

I’ve championed a lot of great Twitter accounts with only a few followers and watched as they grew and surpassed my own, some by thousands. Assholes.

“I don’t wanna sound like a dick, buuuut…” is how I begin 94%

“I don’t wanna sound like a dick, buuuut…” is how I begin 94% of my conversations.

Joke Type: observational